east coast mark

621 / 87,299

2012-01-15T16:53:00.002-05:00

I've mentioned I'm a big fan of the Nike+ running products and website. One of the nice things they do at the end of the year is send you a report on your running stats from the year that was.

It'd be frightening to think of my waist size without burning those 87,000 calories. Excuse me, those 87,299 calories.

I've also got my marathon race report from October, that I'll post soon - I've been delinquent on that front to be sure.

Happy Holidays

2011-12-25T23:37:00.005-05:00

Now stop crying, and go fight your father.

Mind Blown

2011-12-15T06:13:00.003-05:00

I had my mind blown today, and now it's your turn.

You know that "Pumped Up Kicks" song? The one you probably whistle along with while you're at The Gap shopping for Khakis? Toe-tapping-pop-sugary-goodness, right? It's got such a catchy little hook, how can we not sing along....

How's about no.

Did you have any clue it's actually about some kid ready to gun down his classmates?

Let's take a look at the actual lyrics:

Yeah he found a six-shooter gun
In his dad's closet, in the box of fun things
I don't even know what
But he's coming for you, yeah he's coming for you

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You better run, better run, faster than my bullet.

So, as long as you've got your Reeboks pumped up and are ready to sprint out of 3rd period French, you should be all good dawg. Just gotta outrun a few bullets.

We're all just a bunch of iTunes sheep.

Here we spent all summer just mindlessly whistling along, mumbling the rest of the lyrics...thinking we were bathing in a feel-good song about Unicorns and Lollipops. Nope, Columbine.

Have a nice day with your newly shattered brain.

Tebow Reeeeemix

2011-12-15T03:21:00.000-05:00

Joe Mauer Engaged - Mocking Ensues

2011-12-12T08:47:00.001-05:00

Baby Jesus (aka Joe Mauer) apparently proposed to his mysterious girlfriend over the weekend - on some island off the coast of Florida, where he lives in the offseason.

The highlight (for me) however were the sarcastic comments that followed - which are particularly poignant for disgruntled Twins fans.

Strange, I thought he was married to grounding out to the right side of the infield and the trainer's room.
Great news...just hope he didn't hurt himself getting down on bended knee.
Joe realized it was his only chance for a ring in Minnesota.
Glad it's not to a Kardashian.
Guess we'll soon have a new bilateral weakness problem.
It's going to be tough coming up with a wedding date...can he stand through a ceremony the day after a night game?

True Story Bro

2011-12-08T18:57:00.002-05:00

Why Men and Women can't be just friends.

If you're bored for conversation this holiday season, bring this topic up at any cocktail party - and you'll enjoy yourself uncovering a few delusional females.

Christie rips Obama: 'What the hell are we paying you for?'

2011-11-29T23:43:00.000-05:00

I love our New Jersey Governor - always a straight shooter. I have no doubt he'll be President someday if he wants it. We might actually see some change.

Point of Process

2011-11-02T18:09:00.001-05:00

Our friend Stephen Colbert takes on the Occupy Wall Street hippies.

Ladies, I think you have your Halloween costume for next year all picked out:
Ketchup Hitler.

A Year In New York

2011-10-30T21:39:00.003-05:00

east coast mark is pleased to show off our new layout, giving us a wider body to post larger pictures, HD Video, and more vivid content. Hope you enjoy this look at a year in New York to show off the possibilities.

FYI, the song in the video is “We Don’t Eat” by James Vincent McMorrow.

70.3 Ironman Pocono Mountains

2011-10-08T01:03:00.001-05:00

The culmination of my triathlon season was this past Sunday, the 70.3 "Half" Ironman in the Pocono Mountains in Northeastern Pennsylvania. If you've followed my previous triathlons, you'll remember that none of the others had the word 'Mountains' in their title. More on this as we continue...

This was the inaugural year for this event, so everyone was seeing the course for the first time - the Race Directors included. There was no history of what to expect, because no one had done it before - we'd all learn together, for better or worse.

Two days before the event we got an e-mail that said they were cancelling the swim leg, which was set to take place in the Delaware River. Some aggressive rain in the previous week had the river at flood stage, and there were big trees and and a raging current barreling down the river. Everyone was pretty bummed, but when you physically looked at the river - it was better suited for whitewater rafting than a leisurely 1.2 mile swim.

So instead, they modified the event to be just a bike/run sort of duathlon. For myself, I'd done another Half Ironman three weeks prior - so I wasn't devastated by the modification. But for some people, they'd had this event circled on their calendar all year - and once you remove one of the legs - I don't think you can legitimately say you finished a Half Ironman. Still an accomplishment, but you can't get most of the way up Mt. Everest and say, 'eh, good enough - we'll say we got there.'

Race morning, the temperature was about 47 degrees as we got setup in the pre-dawn gloom. Those lamenting the swim being cancelled got over it quickly as the thought of jumping in frigid waters seemed less and less enticing. 2,000 of us in this fenced off parking lot in the middle of a State Park - all contemplating the new reality of starting a race on the bike, rather than jumping in the water. The cool temps (and misting rain) made selection of bike gear more than just a trivial matter. If you overheat, a 56 mile bike race on narrow roads is not an ideal time to stop and simply remove a few layers. Too few clothes, and your fingers will frost off as you bomb down a hill at 30 mph.

At the start, they did a time-trial type start - letting us off one at a time every 5 seconds or so. The roads were wet, narrow, scattered with leaves, and plenty of uneven and potholed surfaces. Oh, and the hills. This was easily the steepest and hilliest course I've ever done. Three hills in particular were so steep that I bet a quarter of the field had to get off their bike and push their bike to the top of the hill.

Wet roads on a highly technical course - combined with high speeds, is a recipe for disaster. I saw one guy 50 feet in front of me crash, and go flipping into the nearby rocky brush. Saw probably saw at least 15 flat tires, and another 20 or so people drop their chains from ill-advised shifting under load while hill climbing. I managed to stay free of any problems, fortunately. I'm an above average descender, and probably went a bit fast and took too many risks on the downhill sections - but a necessary evil to make up time for my slow climbing ability.

For all the perils and challenges of this course, it was a really fun ride - and took a lot of focus and concentration. Simply riding on flat roads on a dry day through suburbia can get monotonous. This course was like climbing through what I picture Ireland to be like. Low lying fog, unrelenting hills, not a hint of sunshine, and civil unrest.

Around mile 40 I noticed my toes were pretty cold. In fact, they were mostly numb...but numb toes locked into cycling shoes isn't all that bad really. But when I switched to my running shoes, I felt as though there were a couple of metal spoons lodged in each shoe. Big sections of my feet and toes had no feeling until around mile 2 - a very odd sensation.

I mentally decided I was going to do the half marathon non-stop, a decision that would prove incredibly tough as the steep hills continued on the run leg. I settled into a routine of drinking a half cup of coke and a bite of banana at each aid station. It helped that it was only about 50 degrees, so the sweating and overheating was kept to a minimum.

Finished the half marathon in 2:20, pretty decent given the hills and the 3 hours of biking that had preceded it. Great crowd support coming into the finishing chute, crossed the finish line, and immediately was wrapped in those big foil warming blankets.

All in all, fun to add some variety. Slightly dangerous I suppose, but definitely a challenge. Also, all the hills made for a good training run for my marathon coming up in 2 weeks.

To give you a taste of what the bike was like, here's a video some guy shot from a camera mounted on his bike. If you don't have a full 20 minutes to spare, jump forward to 2:37 or minute 16 - and you can get a feel for some of the hills (though I don't know that the video does it complete justice).

Half Ironman or "How To Eat Continuously While Doing Exercise"

2011-09-19T23:19:00.000-05:00

Two weekends ago I finished my longest triathlon to date; a Half Ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run). Finished in 6 hours 25 minutes - a tad slower than what I expected, but overall pretty solid.

There were about 250 athletes competing, and for this event it was a considerably more fit crowd. I didn't see any of the portly 40-something moms, or the gray-haired grandpas on mountain bikes that you might see at the shorter Sprint events. The event started at 7am, which meant the sun was barely up at 5:45 when I started setting up my gear in transition. I setup quickly, took my pre-race bathroom stop, slipped on the wetsuit, put down an Espresso Love 2x Caffeine Gu Energy Gel and we were off.

The swim was fairly unremarkable - or as unremarkable as 39 minutes of continuous swimming can be. The swim course was an out and back course, and on my way back to shore some woman veered wildly off course - and came barreling into a couple of us. I mostly just laughed at how off course this lady was. I finished the swim in the top 1/3rd.

Once into T1 I move pretty quickly, and I actually had the 19th fastest transition of all finishers. I've never been in the teens in anything, so I'll take the small victories where I can. I had my bike loaded with 4 Gu's, 2 Waterbottles, my Aero Drink with a Nuun Energy Tablet, and I stuffed my Tri Jersey with 2 Honey Stinger Waffles, and a pack of Honey Stinger Caffeinated Lime-Aid Chews.

After 39 minutes of swimming, you're fairly hungry - so I got right down to eating within the first couple miles on the bike. I started off with a Waffle and a couple good swigs of Electrolyte drink. Then for the next 3 hours I basically just peddled while having my on-bike buffet. Not only are you eating to fuel this 56 miles of biking, but you're also trying to replace some carbs and sugars so that you have energy for the impending half marathon.

What's remarkable is that the bike leg turns into a constant eating bonanza. I felt like I was constantly shoving food in my mouth or drinking something. The upside is that all this feasting really passes the time. Also, about half way through the bike the sun started to come out - and temperatures climbed. I drank all 3 of my waterbottles, and picked up 2 more from the aid stations along the course. In total I bet I took in about 800 food calories, and maybe 150 ounces of water/electrolyte drink.

This was actually the longest ride I've ever done, and my hamstrings started to tighten just a bit around mile 40. I upped the fluid intake, and avoided any cramping - however I think I slowed my speed a bit while I worked through the tightness.

In T2 I picked up my race belt with an additional 3 Gu's, and took a can of Campbell's Sippable Chicken & Stars Soup - and off on the half marathon I went. The high sodium content of that soup tastes incredibly good and rejuvenating, with the additional benefit that the salt replacement will fend off cramping and replace what you've lost in sweat.

The Sun.

The sun came blazing as soon as the run started. Things had been relatively overcast and cool on the swim and bike, but the mercury was rising with every step of the run. I did my first 5 miles pretty much on pace, but then started to slow considerably with the heat. I think it got as high as 83, which is pretty warm for mid-September. I wasn't so much out of energy or fuel, just felt the effects of the heat considerably (I always suck running in the heat). After mile 8, I kind of pulled up a bit - and decided it wasn't worth killing myself to save 10 minutes in my final time - so I just enjoyed the run at an easy pace, got sprayed by about 5 different Boy Scouts with hoses, and dumped 10+ glasses of water over my head.

All in all, it was a good tune up for the Official Half-Ironman Poconos race coming up on October 2nd. It also was a good piece of mind toward tackling the full Ironman next August. I was pretty well trained and prepared for this race, and I was fully recovered within a day or so.

Upcoming.

Half Ironman October 2nd
Atlantic City Marathon on October 16th

As a personal pat on the back, every race I've done this year has been a PR. PR in the Half Marathon earlier this spring, PR in all my Tri events, PR (first time) in the Half Ironman, and will be shooting for a PR in the marathon in about a month.

The Day After Tomorrow (According to The Weather Channel)

2011-08-26T07:24:00.003-05:00

An earthquake and a hurricane - all in one week; surely the Apocalypse is upon us. And judging by what I'm seeing on The Weather Channel, here is my best guess as to what will happen over the weekend with Hurricane Irene stalking us:

Sorry, I forgot where I was going with that.

365 Days. Count 'em Down.

2011-08-10T23:57:00.003-05:00

One year, 365 days from today I will be competing in the inaugural Ironman US Championships in New York City.

Give me a moment to let that sink into my own brain as well.

Most people have heard of the Ironman World Championships that take place in Kona, Hawaii. However, the Ironman Series also includes 8 other Ironman races scattered throughout the United States. In 2012, Ironman is adding a 9th race in the US - this one in and around the NYC area.

Given that there are only a few of these races, and that the sport of Triathlon is growing by huge leaps and bounds in the US - these races tend to be very hard to get into. And, unless you happen to be fortunate enough to live nearby one of the races - usually some sort of travel and overnight stays are required.

For me, my plan initially was to make the trek 6 hours North, and compete in the Ironman Lake Placid (upstate New York). That race is so hard to get into, the only way to make it in is to volunteer for a 5 hour stint in the previous years event. I was all set to do my volunteer work, until at the last minute they announced this new race - right in my back yard of NYC.

Given that 2012 will be the inaugural year for the NYC Ironman - no volunteering was needed to sign up; just a quick trigger finger on your mouse to get signed up quickly. 3,000 slots, at $950 each, sold out in 12 minutes. Yours truly is one of them.

For the uninitiated, let's review what an Ironman Triathlon involves:

2.4 Mile Swim
112 Mile Bike
26.2 Mile Run (Marathon)

The Swim leg will be in the Hudson River:

2.4 miles downstream. Let's hope the current is cooperating that day. The Hudson is typically much cleaner than the infamous 'East River', but let's not expect pristine Lake Superior by any means. You exit the water just north of the George Washington Bridge. I expect to be in the water somewhere between 75 and 90 minutes.

The Bike Leg will actually be on the New Jersey side, and shoot up the Palisades Parkway:

If you got in your car right now, and drove somewhere 112 miles away - you'd be in your car a little over 2 hours most likely. You might stop somewhere for a soda, and to take a bathroom break.
As fast as I am on my bike, I'm not nearly as fast as your Ford Taurus. I expect to be on the bike about 6 hours.

The Marathon Finishes in Manhattan:

I expect it will be a watershed moment when I finally cross over the George Washington Bridge, and enter the boro of Manhattan. I've completed 4 marathons, but never one after having done all the stuff you just read through... I expect the marathon should take me around 5 to 6 hours.

So, for those of you math majors doing a running total in your head - I'm looking at something around 14 hours to complete the Ironman, burning maybe 8,000 calories.

If you're looking for me in the next year, there's a good chance I'll be training. And if you see me eating McDonalds, you have my permission to slap the chicken nuggets right out of my mouth.

The wildcard? The weather. Mid-August anywhere can be a crap shoot. Today in NYC the high is expected to be 84 - which would be brilliant. But 95 degree days are clearly a possibility in the dog days of summer.

I expect to be really well prepared for this event. You don't take on an Ironman lightly, and truthfully I've been building toward this for 4 years.

365 days. Count 'em Down.

Nerds on Patrol

2011-08-09T23:45:00.000-05:00

So we took a Segway tour of the Washington D.C. monuments last week. It looks nerdy, sure, but when you're zipping past tourists schlepping it on foot - you feel like part Superhero, part Paul Blart Mall Cop. Either way - everyone gave it rave reviews, and I highly suggest you try a Segway if you ever get a chance.

BARACKALYPSE NOW

2011-08-08T15:27:00.005-05:00

I heard a great little analogy from Rick Santelli today (CNBC Host of Tea-Party fame), in regards to Obama's Administration:

"If my wife started spending 30% more this year than last year, and her answer was that I'm supposed to get 2 more jobs...that's the same analogy. We have a spending problem in this country."

See Rick's full rant here

"You know what leadership means? It means that it doesn't really matter what S&P says. We all know deep inside that no country is the same as it was 5 years ago. And the market seems to be okay with it. And as for stocks going down we were already Ralph Cramden (of Honeymooners) on thin ice. Now an infant jumped on our shoulders. It’s just even more weight.

"In the end, in the end we need to address problems we know exist. A Treasury Secretary or a President should be out here not fighting S&P, not grabbing the other coach and slapping him around, taking the umpire behind the barn. He should be getting the team psyched to overcome.

"See I remember I had a professor in college. I wrote a great paper. Could never please this guy. But it made me better. Okay? We’re better than this. Don’t get caught up in the minutia. All this BS. We’re better than this. We need to prove it. We’re off the track. Whether we're better than some other country or not, the real issue is we're on the wrong path.

"Blame the Tea Party? Geez, no wonder Kerry did so well in an election. If it wasn't for the Tea Party, they would have passed the debt ceiling thumbs up, we would have been rated BBB."

Oh, and Congress is on Vacation until September 7th.

east coast mark recommends:

2011-07-31T01:19:00.001-05:00

A few items worth taking note of:

Derek Jeter 3K:
As a Twins fan, I have a painful history of watching my Twins go down in flames at the hands of the Yankees. I've been to 4 different Twins games at Yankee Stadium (most all of them playoff games) - and I've not yet seen a victory. Nonetheless, HBO's new documentary following Derek Jeter's quest for 3,000 hits is pretty solid. By all accounts he's a standup guy, keeps a tight group of loyal friends, won't get behind the wheel after having even 1 beer, and has a smokin' hot girlfriend. Not to play spoiler, but he hit a homerun for his 3,000th hit - and went 5 for 5 on the day. Derek Jeter 3K

The appetizing Minka Kelly

CEP Compression Socks:
Compression socks have been a hot topic for a couple years now, and I must say I'm a fan. Compression socks are nothing new - doctors have been prescribing them to the elderly and obese for 25 years...to help alleviate leg pain. However, in the last couple years, the endurance athletic community have embraced these socks - and made them the hottest topic amongst any group of runners or cyclists. The basic premise is that after exercise, you put on these very tight socks - and they help improve blood flow, and reduce lactic acid buildup and soreness. I use them after runs of 6+ miles - wear them for 3 or 4 hours, and I wake up the next morning feeling completely fresh. $59.95 from CEP

Johnston & Murphy Slip-Ons:
You ever see frat boys stumbling around town wearing flip flops? I know, I hate it too. I have flip-flops, but only for the purposes of going to the beach or walking the 50 paces out to the pool. My go-to shoe for the summer are slip-ons from Johnston & Murphy. They're far more practical for walking around in, protect the foot, and you avoid the 'slapping' and stumbling from a normal pair of flip flops. I probably burn through 1 pair a summer. Always worn sockless. $99.00 from Johnston & Murphy

Vesper Martini:
I don't always drink martinis, but when I do - I prefer the Vesper. I've been making this drink as a bartender for probably 5 years, but only started to drink them regularly about 2 years ago. A straight vodka or straight gin martini tend to be a bit much for me. This drink combines them both, and throws in a dash of lillet and lemon. Extremely agreeable for a hot summer evening. They won't know how to make this at your local Applebee's (nor have the right ingredients) - but if you go to a half decent bar, one proficient in the art of cocktails, they should be able to help you out. I drink 6 at a time.

Also, if you've seen either of the most recent 007 movies - Bond drinks them ever so smoothly:

"A dry martini," [Bond] said. "One. In a deep champagne goblet."

"Oui, monsieur."

"Just a moment. Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel. Got it?"

"Certainly, monsieur." The barman seemed pleased with the idea.

"Gosh, that's certainly a drink," said Leiter.

Bond laughed. "When I'm...er...concentrating," he explained, "I never have more than one drink before dinner. But I do like that one to be large and very strong and very cold and very well-made. I hate small portions of anything, particularly when they taste bad. This drink's my own invention. I'm going to patent it when I can think of a good name."

—Ian Fleming, Casino Royale

Vincentown 2011 - Tri #3

2011-07-13T23:15:00.000-05:00

My third triathlon of the season was this past Saturday. Even though these events require a 5am wake-up call, I'm always glad they have them on Saturday mornings vs. Sunday. Having them first thing Saturday morning means that by 10am the race is over, and you have the rest of the weekend to eat cheeseburgers; guilt free.

Perfect weather - about 81 at race time. Back to a Sprint distance for this race (400m swim, 15 mile bike, 3.1 mile run). Wasn't my best swim ever, but still finished in the top 1/3rd. Bike I pushed pretty hard, even though there somehow managed to be a head-wind no matter which direction we were going. Averaged about 21mph on the bike. Run was decent, averaged just over 9min/mile. Not Kenyan speed, but looking better for me.

One area I'm really rocking this season is the transitions. "T1" (between the swim and bike legs) I had the 29th fastest time out of 180 people. What that really means is that I'm fast at getting out of my wetsuit, and getting onto my bike (and it's associated helmet, shoes, glasses) pretty quickly.

I always like to learn something new about my technique at each event, and what did I learn this time? I'm not a fan of the Cherry/Lime flavor of GU Rocktane. Opt for Pineapple or Chocolate instead.

2 weeks from now is the New Jersey State Championships, and it'll be the longest triathlon of my career - the 'Olympic Distance' (1 mile swim, 25 mile bike, 6.2 mile run).

Field of Dreams 2 - NFL Edition

2011-07-06T12:26:00.000-05:00

Antonio Cromartie, with his penchant for the ladies, might give a more believeable performance than the Harry Potter kid.

Update: Apparently he's a werewolf, not a wizard.

GWOS III (Golf Weekend Of Spite)

2011-06-28T23:38:00.002-05:00

I've just returned from our 3rd Annual Golf Weekend of Spite - a guys golf weekend at my cabin in Northern Minnesota. My guy friends and I are hyper-competitive, and in addition to the competition on the golf course, the machismo carries over into everything from yard games down to who can build a better fire. Hence, why we've termed it the Golf Weekend of Spite.

72 holes of golf later (and as many beers) - and I'm not sure anything is decided, but a good time was had by all.

At one point during the weekend, all 6 of us sat down and took an IQ/Trivia test...just to establish who's smarter. That's the kind of overboard competitiveness and spitefulness you just can't get while sitting on the couch with your girlfriend watching '27 Dresses'.

How's about a photo montage?

Turns out driving ranges aren't packed at 9am on a Thursday

Team Gameface

Team Whiskey (who played out of their skulls and won the day)

"Bags", being played by D-Bags

Beer, Steak, and Comfortable Slacks

Team Rickie Fowler won day 3. Me and my orange cap sunk a 10 footer on 18 to win at -1 under par.

B, signifying that his team finished in 2nd place

Spite.

Our technically inclined friend, MD, setup a projector to watch Wedding Crashers on the front of the cabin. This is the view from the fire pit.

Another tidbit from the weekend was my creation of a new fireside treat - the S'more made with a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, rather than the usual chocolate square. Perhaps gilding the lily a bit - but I highly suggest you try it at your next fire. It's possible someone else in the world has already thought this up - but since it was an original idea to me, I'm claiming it as my own.

Jersey Genesis Triathlon

2011-06-13T19:25:00.007-05:00

Another 4:30am wake up, and another triathlon in the books. This season's second Triathlon, the 'Jersey Genesis', was the longest distance triathlon I've done thus far. Half mile swim, 16 mile bike, 4 mile run. While not a huge leap up from the 'Sprint' distance, it was the next building block on the way toward the Half Ironman in October.

This swim was in a saltwater river that connected to the Atlantic Ocean, and having not grown up around the ocean - my brain always has a momentary stroke when I realize I'm in salt water. Well, something short of a stroke - maybe just a momentary 'WTF' moment as I taste salt on my lips.

That said, one of the little known facts about salt water is that it increases the buoyancy of anything floating in it - which in this case was my churning mass of a body. The salt water combined with my wetsuit meant that I had by far my strongest swim in a race, and came out of the water in 58th place out of 261 people. Pretty solid for me - and I was feeling well nigh euphoric when I came out of the water; for once not feeling like I'd cheated death and glad to be alive. (Also worth pointing out that in the previous 3 weeks I've been swimming 1.2 miles four times a week - so I cant give all the credit to salt water.)

The rest of the race was a misty, humid, uneventful finish - and I hit all my transitions about as well as possible. Still room for improvement on the run, as I'm not leaving it all out on the course.

Since you rubes like pictures, let's leave the rest of the story up to the photographers (who grabbed a lot of pictures of me this time around - maybe it helps to be out in front?)

And, if you fellas (or ladies) are still looking for a good reason to get into the sport of Triathlon - I submit for you one last picture...that I nearly missed when I looked through the pictures the first time - as I'm not exactly the focal point of this picture:

I sent these pictures to my parents to have a look, and my mom's response was classic:

Those are great pictures, but if you could run a little faster, you could catch that girl !!! Do they have social hour after the race???

LUV U

Everyone's a critic.

Hammonton 2011 Triathlon

2011-06-10T00:04:00.003-05:00

It might not surprise you to learn that there aren't many lakes on the Island of Manhattan. There is plenty of Ocean all around, but not many calm lakes or rivers in which to contest a triathlon. For that reason, most triathlons in my region are contested in Southern New Jersey - where lakes are somewhat more common, albeit nothing like the plethora that abound in Northern Minnesota. New Jersey lakes also tend to be somewhat pathetic - rather shallow and not very big.

All that is a lead up to saying that before any triathlon starts, I'm looking at a 90 minute drive to get to South Jersey. I've actually found I like that drive - as 90 minutes is about the right amount of time to eat a little car breakfast, have a diet coke, and wake up from the fog that the 5:30am wake up call entails.

This was the first triathlon of the season for me, and I was feeling pretty confident. I had a few reasons to feel confident:

Upgraded to a legit Tri bike
Over the winter increased my time in the pool by about 1000%
Swim lessons with a coach
Dropped some weight
Running pace 45 seconds faster per mile

Confidence is a particularly key component to successful triathlon. I suppose one could say confidence is key in anything - from picking up chicks to cooking an omelet. However, if you can confidently feel that you won't drown and can smoke the bike leg; you've got a big mental advantage.

I was confident, but any time you don that wetsuit and look out into open water at some far off buoy - one can't help but get a small tingle of butterflies in the stomach. There's also a tangible intense vibe as the athletes gather on shore, all wrapped head to toe in neoprene, swim caps, and goggles.

In all my past triathlons, I'd hung to the back of my swim wave - letting the big boys get out in front, and I took up the rear to go at my own (slow) pace. This time around, I decided I'd mix it up a bit. I was on the very front line, and when the gun went off - it's herd mentality at it's finest. Picture that water ship-sinking scene from 'Titanic', with all the bodies thrashing in the water - just all going the same direction. You get knocked a bit, people swim over top of you, you randomly grab a foot in front of you...all the while you're trying to get your stroke going.

It was far from a 'perfect' swim, but went pretty well in general. I'd done this same race in 2010, and on the swim leg this year I basically cut my time in half over the previous year - a 50% improvement.

Transition 1 was quick, saved time by going sockless on the bike - and also pre-clipping my shoes to my pedals.

The bike leg was statistically my best leg of the event, and I averaged a 19.9 mph average. I got a slight lower abdominal cramp right as I was getting off the bike into T2, and that slowed me up maybe 15 seconds while I stretched it out.

That's me out front, taking a couple 40 year old guys to the woodshed

The run after the bike is always an odd thing. It takes your brain and body a couple of minutes to realize you're no longer peddling, and instead running. There's a strange phenomenon where you feel like you're running extremely slowly - but I think it's a mental smokescreen due to how fast you'd just been peddling. In fact I know it's a trick, because I averaged my fastest miles of the year on the run.

All told, I performed about as well as my training lead me to think I should. My swim can still be stronger, and the run is still statistically my slowest event comparatively to the competitors who finish around the same time as I do.

Next Triathlon is this Saturday, and we up the ante a bit with a half mile swim, 16 mile bike, and 4 mile run.

I'm 17 pounds lighter than last June and 12 pounds lighter than New Years.

Learn to like egg whites.

It Begins...

2011-05-28T12:18:00.000-05:00

Goofy aerodynamic helmets and 4:30 am wakeup calls can only mean one thing....

Triathlon season has begun.

Had my first race of the season this morning, went well - definitely my best effort yet. I'll have a recap after I enjoy a hoppy alcoholic beverage and a nap.

Stuff You Never Want To Hear Girls Say:

2011-05-25T17:08:00.001-05:00

"Double Tap To The Head. Boom, Boom."

2011-05-03T23:21:00.000-05:00

On Thursday, Time magazine will run a cover showing Osama bin Laden stamped with a red X, because Sunday SEAL Team 6 kicked in the door of his bedroom and shot him in his fucking face. It’s similar to the covers announcing the death of Adolf Hitler in 1945, and Saddam Hussein in 2003.

Lick My Balls, Bin Laden

2011-05-01T22:02:00.004-05:00

*Note: Only those with a pulse may lick my balls, thereby disqualifying Mr. Bin Laden.

Street party in NYC for the next 24 hrs.

Speed Concept 7.5

2011-04-08T00:08:00.005-05:00

If you've seen Limitless, you'll recall Bob DeNiro's line, "You'll be wanting some toys."

This is my new toy, the Trek Speed Concept 7.5. It's a bike designed specifically for Triathlons and Time Trials - and the latest addition to my stable. (Have I mentioned that the sport of Triathlon is a money pit?)

While my road bike can get me to the finish line, this Tri Bike is specifically designed to put the rider in a forward leaning aerodynamic position. It's also carbon fiber and decked out with Shimano Ultegra components.

This was a project several months in the making - and it took some considerable time to test out a few different bikes, do several different fittings, get the whole thing ordered and assembled, etc. And now that it's all finished, sure enough the weather has turned Seattle-like, so I've only got 5 miles or so on it thus far.

No bike can turn an average rider into Lance Armstrong, but I do believe that if you feel fast....you'll be fast. This thing is going 20 miles an hour just standing still.

New Shirt

2011-03-25T09:30:00.000-05:00

I picked this shirt up from Nike this week. I think they originally intended it for Basketball players to mock running - but I think it's particularly smart for the running crowd. If you buy one, it runs big - so buy one size smaller than you normally would.

What Everyone's Talking About - 'The Book of Mormon'

2011-03-24T00:02:00.006-05:00

A new musical opening up this week is all the buzz here in the NYC area; "The Book of Mormon", which comes from the minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone - the geniuses behind South Park and Team America.

As anyone who's followed Parker and Stone knows, their musical talents are surprisingly adept (Academy Award Nominated Blame Canada, or My Waterpark). Team America was chalk full of ballads, and the idea of mashing these guys up with the Mormon religion is brilliant. And lest you think it's just another crude bit of toilet humor, it's been getting a lot of buzz and positive reviews.

A must-see on my list for this summer.

*Only tangentially related: will this musical help or hurt my boy Mitt Romney on his path to the White House?

Libya's on the brink of civil war - but first; wild times at Sober Valley Lodge

2011-03-06T00:48:00.001-05:00

Biggest Loser in all this Charlie Sheen circus? Tigers.

Tigers must be wondering, "Why is he dragging us into this? We're full of Tiger Blood and we don't behave like that. We're noble jungle cats, and if we want gazelles - we have to chase them down and catch them. We don't call a service and have two of them show up at our hotel room."

I'm Having Trouble Following the Story Arc Here...

2011-02-27T00:46:00.000-05:00

For a couple of years I had Journey's "Seperate Ways" set as the ring tone on my Blackberry. Full Disclosure: I blatantly stole the idea from Jim Carrey's movie "Yes Man". The song is a catchy 80's power ballad, but it wasn't until a few weeks ago that I first saw the music video. Hoo boy....

It's not like I expected a Journey music video from 1983 to be a Scorsese directed epic - but this video may have been directed by a retarded monkey. The brilliance comes from the blatant overacting, and their attempt to create some sort of story out of the lyrics. Have a look, and then let's break it down - shall we?

0:04 - Air Fingering
0:10 - 0:20 - Dramatic walking (multiple angles)
0:26 - 0:33 - Steve Perry Facial (multiple angles + mullet)
0:49 - Aggressive air drumming in the back
0:54 - Bear Claws and tweed sport coat
0:56 - Where is this lady going? Someone get her a map. Clearly she's lost
1:08 - Journey Mob / Mullet convention. Watch the drummer on the far right - he clearly doesn't know the words.
1:26 - Wall keyboard. Normal. Nothing to see here.
1:38 - Now our mysterious walking woman is David Copperfield - dissapearing behind vans? Let's move along.
1:54 - Easy Steve. No need to start punching the building.
2:14 - Slow motion Zoolander
2:17 - Holy shit. Extreme close up on Steve's mole. Wasn't ready for that.
2:19 - Backwards wood pallet maze? Can't miss.
2:30 - 2:38 - Dramatic people jumping into frame.
2:46 - Nightmares are made of group shots like this
2:59 - She's still lost, but walking with a greater sense of purpose. Basically she's spent the last 3 minutes walking aimlessly back and forth along a single strip of this pier.
3:04 - Oil drum drumbs. Why not.
3:50 - More wall keyboard. Why?
3:56 - I just realized, the drummer's shirt says, "FOOSBALL - Where the action is". Par for the course really.
4:20 - Wait. So at the end, this was all her dream? Her dreams are walking in high heels amongst mulleted men playing their slow motion instruments attached to brightly colored walls? Yeah, I get that one too.

Remember how they always talked about how Michael Jackson spent a Million dollars making Thriller? With a costume crew of 20, semi-famous director, etc? Journey decided to do the opposite. I think it would have been fascinating to be at the planning meeting for this shoot:

"So what's our budget?"
"$40, and free hair spray."
"Have we scouted a location?"
"No, but I bet if we show up behind those abandoned warehouses by the bay...we could get some shots in."
"Great. I have only two requests: 1.) Walking. 2.) Musical instruments are so much classier when affixed to a wall.
"Done and Done."

Rumor has it that the same guy also directed this video:

Annual Oscar Rankings

2011-02-25T00:09:00.002-05:00

A couple of years ago I made it a point to see all of the movies nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards. I did this mostly so that when someone tried to tell me how great their favorite movie was, I could look at them with disdain and say, "you idiot."

Some people look down on the idea of ranking movies, as it's a bit silly to rank pieces of art. It's like trying to rank the top 10 best paintings of all time. Still, we give out these awards - and someone has to win.

Now that the Oscars has gone to nominating 10 movies for Best Picture instead of just 5, one needs a small fortune and a strong tolerance for Sour Patch Kids in order to get through all of them. $11 per movie + $10 for snacks x 10 movies = $200+

A couple of this year's nominees I might not have normally seen (I'm looking at you Toy Story 3), but pretty much all of them this year were movies I genuinely wanted to see. In fact, I'd seen most of them before the nominations came out.

So once again this year I have seen all 10, and here are my rankings:

1.) Inception
2.) The Social Network
3.) Black Swan
4.) True Grit
5.) The Kids Are All Right
6.) The Kings Speech

7.) The Fighter

8.) 127 Hours

9.) Winter's Bone

10.) Toy Story 3

I waffled a bit on whether Inception or Social Network should sit atop my rankings, but in the end I think Inception was the most unique and visually stunning movie this year. Social Network was a tour de force in terms of storytelling, but Inception won out for me in terms of having the whole package. I think Inception is hurting a bit in the popular discussion due to the fact that it came out way back in July. However, when I think back to when I first saw Inception - I distinctly remember it blowing my mind.

I won't go into details on why I ranked the rest how I did; again its like trying to describe why a Picasso is better than a Monet.

The Academy Awards air this Sunday, and it's hosted by two of my least favorite people - James Franco and Anne Hathaway. Barf. Can't Ricky Gervais just host everything? I look forward to seeing all of young Hollywood all dressed up, but not Natalie Portman - pregnant chicks are gross.

And who do I think will actually win the award? Social Network

Kings Speech? G-g-g-go fuck yourself England

2011 and Lactic Acid

2011-01-21T22:06:00.000-05:00

I typically don't make specific New Year's Resolutions - aside from the general aspiration to be better in all areas of my life; something I think we should strive for daily, and not because the calendar says we've turned a new page.

Along those lines, in 2011 I'm going to keep pushing the envelope physically; and have an ambitious running and triathlon season planned:

May 15th: Superhero Half Marathon
May 28th: Hammonton Sprint Triathlon
June 11th: Jersey Genesis Triathlon
July 9th: Vincentown Sprint Triathlon
July 25th: Volunteering - Transition Tent, Ironman Lake Placid
August 14th: Presidential Lakes Olympic Triathlon
September 3rd: Marlton Lakes Sprint Triathlon
October 2nd: Half Ironman - Pocono Mountains
November 6th: NYC Marathon*
November 13th: Tri-State Tough Mudder

*I have to win the entrant lottery to get into the NYC Marathon. Lottery held in April.

You'll also notice that volunteering gig in late July. The Ford Ironman Series hosts one of it's few East Coast Ironman races in Lake Placid in upstate NY. Ironman (and triathlon in general) has grown so popular that it's now gotten quite tough to get into an Iroman event because so many people are trying to get in. One of the ways to ensure your entrance is to volunteer at the previous year's event.

So, if you're doing the math in your head - that means I'm now tip towing down a path that will lead me on a collision course with the 2012 Lake Placid Ironman Triathlon. For those of you unfamiliar, an Ironman is a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, and a 26.2 mile marathon. Nonstop.

The highlight of the 2011 season will be the Half Ironman Pocono Mountains. It's exactly half of a full Ironman, and should take about 7 hours to finish. It'll be the culmination of a tough summer of training and dieting. Twice a day workouts will not be uncommon. Hopefully I also get lucky and get into the NYC Marathon a month later.
----
This winter I'm keeping the cardio up with twice weekly boxing classes, and I've also picked up some spinning classes over the past few weeks to keep the legs tuned up until the snow thaws. Some people knock me for taking the spin classes, but you sweat like a mother - and get to stare at hot girls asses for 45 minutes. Not all bad.

Someone recently asked me how I manage to get my job done while maintaining such an ambitious workout schedule. The truth is that when you plan routine daily workouts, it actually makes you more efficient and productive in your job. You bust your tail to get that report done...because you know you gotta be on your bike by 5pm, or in the pool by 7am.

Keep striving to be better in 2011.

Holiday Instructions

2010-12-25T20:05:00.001-05:00

Season's Greetings.

2010-12-19T19:21:00.001-05:00

I just had sex.

2 Akon posts in one week. But he's so damn enthusiastic, how can you not love it.

Truth.

2010-12-17T21:22:00.002-05:00

As someone who shakes hands all week long, I find this wholeheartedly true:

Angels, Angel, and Akon

2010-12-16T22:34:00.000-05:00

In case you (shamefully) missed the CBS prime time Victoria's Secret fashion show a few weeks back, you missed a golden opportunity to blatantly ogle supermodels while telling your woman you were 'doing some research for Christmas gifts'. Chances are she'd have parked herself on the couch next to you, and even replayed a few parts in slow-mo.

Step up fellas - I can't do all the creative thinking for you.

I gotta say, I liked this new Akon song, 'Angel'. Also, keep a close eye out for my new lover, Candice Swanepoel, who makes her appearance at 3:34 in a white bikini. Completely sick body. (I recommend blowing this video up full screen - as long as your feminist boss isn't looking over your shoulder.)

It's cold out there - stay warm.

I Don't Think The Heavy Stuff's Gonna Come Down For Awhile. I'd Keep Playing.

2010-12-12T16:31:00.007-05:00

Pretty gnarly video of the Metrodome roof collapsing last night; after they received 2 feet of snow in my homeland. In a similar story - here on the east coast I sat on my porch and smoked a cigar while I looked at the grass.

More photos here:

Upgraded

2010-12-05T22:05:00.010-05:00

To quote Vince Vaughn in Swingers, 'you're growns up, and you're growns up, and you're growns up.' In 2008 I took the leap into HD with my first flat screen, but I held off on the living room - figuring prices were due to drop...sometime.

My current living room setup includes a 27" tube tv, which I purchased in my sophomore year of college - 1999. To call that tv a workhorse would be an understatement. It's been with me through 3 moves, across the country, plus in and out of my car countless times; en route to the Halo Parties we used to have in various basements.

The tube (read: square) tv never bothered me until earlier this spring, when my cable provider started broadcasting all channels in HD. This meant that all programming was now letterboxed, and the picture was squeezed even smaller on a traditional tube tv. Football games were tough to watch.

My setup includes all the components for the living room, as well as those for my bedroom next door, xbox, receiver, blu ray. Perhaps the most cringe-worthy part of the setup was the microwave cart (shame) that it all sat on. Back in 1999, a free microwave cart from my parents was pretty baller. It even had a stylish faux wood grain. I was also displaying my dvd's on these S-shaped racks, which, again, were really sweet in 2004.

Time to get upgraded.

As a way of justifying the expense, we'll call this an early Christmas Present to myself. No wife and kids means all the money for their diamond rings and teddy bears can be funneled directly into my electronics budget.

I opted for a 50" Samsung Plasma with 3D and Internet. The price was right, and they threw in a few pairs of 3D glasses, a 3D blu ray player, and a couple movies. The tv selection was the easiest part of the process. More complicated was what I would purchase to replace that old microwave stand...with room to house the growing list of components and dvd's.

As any man knows (or those with borderline OCD like me), wiring and running cables for your video/audio setup can be a near religious experience. You need to be alone with your thoughts, plan out the arrangement,...on and on.

All told, I'm pretty happy with how it all came out. Double upgrade all the way across the sky.

(click for larger view)

I'll have more on the 3D as I watch it a bit more. There's fairly limited amounts of 3D movies at this point. The tv also has the ability to convert 2D into 3D - which is a fairly neat effect. I delighted in watching Manning throw 4 interceptions in 3D this evening.

There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you're money and that you want to party.
- Trent

TurBaconEpic Thanksgiving - east coast mark style

2010-11-24T01:31:00.004-05:00

This is like 'The Passion of the Christ' for Vegans.

4 Complete

2010-11-17T00:19:00.005-05:00

Forgot to mention this last month - but I completed my 4th marathon in October. Set a PR of 4:54:00. Granted, it was only a PR by 36 seconds - but a PR nonetheless, and I now have a 4th piece of hardware hanging on my wall.

JP and I ran the first 13 miles together, nonstop, in a PR (for me) of 2:17:11. I then stopped for a little walk while Josh went ahead, and then we proceeded to pass and catch each other numerous times over the last half of the race. Eventually we settled in, carried each other at times, and agreed to finish together.

For 2011, I've registered for a Half Ironman on the same weekend as the 2011 version of the Twin Cities Marathon - meaning my streak of 4 consecutive TCM's will come to an end. Though, with a Half Ironman in October, and (hopefully) the NYC Marathon in November - I'll be sufficiently worked. FYI: Half Ironman is a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run.

If I'm feeling particularly saucy, I'm kicking around the idea of Grandma's Marathon in June.

This fall, I've been working with a swimming coach, and keeping up 25-50 weekly miles on the bike. The mild Mid-Atlantic weather means outdoor biking and running are in play until late December.

Truth

2010-11-14T02:00:00.005-05:00

Keep the phone in your pocket and engage in human interaction once and awhile.

Michael Caine Impressions Are Awesome

2010-11-08T21:47:00.003-05:00

I was entertaining myself this weekend by doing Brad Childress impressions. It's my favorite thing to do at the moment - just speak in a low monotone voice, mumble occasionally, and add in lots of ummmmmmm's.

That said, Michael Caine impressions are equally entertaining.

Shaddap You Face

2010-11-02T04:27:00.003-05:00

Apropos of nothing, I heard this song recently - and it was stuck in my head all day. Now it's your turn. I also find myself humming this tune anytime I come across the many Italian-Americans who make their home here on the east coast.

When was the last time you heard, 'Big Accordion Solo!'

New Tunes

2010-10-10T17:31:00.011-05:00

Thought I'd drop some tunes on you - a few CD's I've purchased lately and have been listening to.

Gayngs - Relayted

Definitely my favorite CD of the moment. These guys are an Indie rock group out of Minneapolis; a collection of 23 different artists from various bands that came together to put out this one album. Really cool sound - everything is a smooth 69 bpm's.

Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago

This album is the work of just one guy, Justin Vernon. After his old band broke up, he took all his musical gear to his family's cabin in remote northern Wisconsin - and worked through his issues by recording all the parts of this album...and then mixing it all together. 3 winter months isolated in the woods is good for the creative spirit I guess.

Mumford and Sons - Sigh No More

These guys are out of Great Britain, and have a unique folk-rock sound. Considerably more upbeat than the previous two selections I've listed here. I'd wager this is the first CD I've ever purchased that prominantely features a banjo.

Glorious Week 1 Victory

2010-09-15T01:53:00.006-05:00

I think society has passed the point of explaining the heartaches that rise and fall with each week in the modern world of Fantasy Football. That being said; this video says all that could ever be said to one certain individual:

I can't stop watching it and twisting my mustache.

No seriously. I can't stop watching it and laughing manicaclly.

End of Season Triathlon

2010-09-06T00:48:00.012-05:00

This weekend was my last triathlon of the season. Probably. I'd run this same triathlon last year, but this year I came in better trained and more prepared than any I've previously done (for the record this was my 4th Tri).

The extra training and experience paid off, as I shaved time off every discipline vs. the same event in 2009. 1:30 faster on the swim, a full 10 minutes faster on the bike, and 30 seconds faster on the run. All in all, my best effort in a triathlon yet.

Don't let anyone fool you - triathon is an expensive and time consuming endeavour to pursue; but once you get all your equipment and training dialed-in (and purchased), it's very rewarding to see the minutes fall off your time.

Up next, the 2010 Twin Cities Marathon - 30 days from today.

New Cee-Lo Single: "F*** You"

2010-08-22T00:42:00.004-05:00

No subtext here - just catchy.

"This is the happiest song in the world!" - Guy who isn't paying attention to the lyrics

Mad Men 4

2010-07-26T09:30:00.006-05:00

Last night's season premiere of Mad Men once again reminded me of the joys of drinking on Sunday night. At this point, the opening credits are nearly Pavlovian in their ability to make me walk to my bar and pour a glass of scotch.

Great episode to kick off the new season, and an excellent continuation of the drama at the end of Season 3. And who doesn't love a Thanksgiving Hooker?

Don is now coming to grips with the fact that he can no longer be the mystery man in the shadows - who steps into the light only to drop his divine campaigns onto a thankful world. I'm also looking forward to Don figuring out the new love interest, Bethany; she of the butter-squirting and gymnastic ilk.

A thrilling end, and we have Don re-inventing himself again as the face of SCDP. He no longer wants boring traditional clients, and plans to only take on clients who want the most forward-thinking representation 1964 has to offer.

Phrase Overkill

2010-07-14T00:09:00.004-05:00

I talk for a living, and given such - there's a few phrases that I've noticed are getting way overused these days. I'm going to call them out for you - and then you can enjoy being shocked for the next week when you realize how often you hear them:

"At the end of the day...."
"Moving Forward...."
"It is what it is."

The last one is my most despised. It's a total cop-out phrase, and has no relevance to anything. A three second 'sighhhhh' would declare the same turn of phrase. Clearly IT is what IT is.

It has dawned on me that perhaps the usage of these phrases could be a regional phenomenon - or perhaps unique to my particular line of work.

But, it is what it is.

New Wetsuit

2010-06-29T00:35:00.004-05:00

My new triathlon wetsuit arrived this afternoon; having been shipped from California from the 'Xterra' company. This is my first wetsuit, and I'm sure it'll help quite a bit with the swim leg of my triathlons - not so much making me faster, but helping with buoyancy...which in turn, I guess, will make me faster.

That said, I tried the suit on for the first time tonight - and if I'd had the forethought - I'd have video taped it for your comedic enjoyment. On second thought, it might have been frightening. It's not brain surgery to get into it - but it's also harder than you would think to squeeze yourself into a full body condom.

Instead, I'm going to let this hot blond show you a bit more about how to properly put on a wetsuit.

New Twilight Movie

2010-06-25T02:54:00.000-05:00

USA! USA!

2010-06-23T15:07:00.003-05:00

I don't know where Algeria is - I think it's a hybrid terrorist combination of Africa and Asia. Either way, definitely scintillating watching the USA pull out that soccer win today. Backs against the wall, it looked like were facing elimination and 4 years of 'bad calls by the refs...'. Not to be.

As an encore, we had a brilliant (still going) ultra marathon tennis match involving American John Isner. 59-59 in the 5th? Ridonkulous.

Oh Sookie

2010-06-21T02:24:00.007-05:00

True Blood is a guilty pleasure on Sunday nights. After tonight's episode, they blew my mind with this Snoop Dogg crossover ode to Sookie. Gotta hand it to those marketing people at HBO, because this will be everywhere today....though it will probably only make sense to loyal fans.

Speaking of HBO: Treme, after a slow start, has become my favorite show of the season. Should be plenty of Emmy nods for the actors in this one.

Lastly, Mad Men Season 4 starts up later this summer. Everyone get your home bars stocked up with plenty of Scotch and Whiskey, and have your suits pressed. If you're not caught up yet - you have about a month to go crazy on DVD with seasons 1-3.

Get Smart

2010-06-19T17:18:00.005-05:00

Open Wine In A Pinch

2010-06-10T22:44:00.008-05:00

When I was a Sophomore in College, I helped my girlfriend at the time move in to a new apartment. It was a cramped little hole of an apartment, but move-in day was made brighter by the fact that the new landlord left a bottle of red wine for her sitting on the counter. Total score.

Being 19, free alcohol was the pinnacle of all things holy. However, also being 19, neither of us had ever really had wine...or knew how to serve/store/open it. But hey, free booze - we were going to make the most of it. We also weren't going to question why this landlord was leaving alcoholic beverages for clearly underage college kids - when in Rome...

First things first: let's get this baby chilling. We popped the bottle of red wine into the fridge to get it cold. Patience not being our virtue; this was taking too long. "Put it in the freezer for a bit to get it really cold," she said. Excellent idea.

Once the bottle was nice and frosty, we found 2 plastic cups and were ready to enjoy our bounty. Removing the foil top, we were suddenly faced with a new paradox: cork. I remember searching the side of the bottle, thinking maybe there was some sort of special opener attached to the bottle that I'd missed. Nope.

Now, before you go mocking me and my 19 year old ignorance - remember back to when you first started enjoying adult beverages....were you the alcoholic connoisseur (lush) that you are now? No, you were equally clueless as me. Back to the frosty Merlot....

Like a rabid dogs, we clawed at this cork with a knife - eventually excavating enough cork that the remainder could be pushed into the bottle. At last, our ice cold Merlot (complete with cork floaters) was flowing into two Twins plastic cups. The 45 minutes of ice time combined with the 15 minutes of knife hacking had built up expectations that, 'this better be good.'

It wasn't.

Cold red wine tastes like licking a metal spoon. "Maybe it was just the first sip," we thought. Like when you first tried beer...that wasn't good right away either. Another sip. Gag. "Why are all those rich people SO into wine? Nasty," we said.

It wasn't until a few weeks later that we learned that 1.) Red wine should be served room temperature and 2.) The proper way to wield a corkscrew...which is far superior to a kitchen steak knife.

That story was just a lead up to showing you this great video I found on how to open a bottle of wine - should you too find yourself without a proper corkscrew. Enjoy, and thank me someday. Also, it's in French, which I think classes up this seedy blog.

Triathlon #1 of 2010

2010-06-03T00:00:00.014-05:00

My first triathlon of the year was this past weekend; an early 4:30am wake up call for east coast mark. As I rolled out my garage, it was a steady downpour - and I wasn't sure we'd get this thing in. However, these triathlons are way too complicated to reschedule, so they always make a big show out of 'race will be held rain or shine.' So off I went.

By race time at 7:45am, the rains had parted - and 300 or so of us were off in the swim. Of the 50 or so guys in my age group, I estimated that I was one of two guys that didn't have a wetsuit on. The water was plenty warm, but I've been learning that the wetsuit gives you considerable added buoyancy - allowing the swimmer to focus on their stroke, and not so much about staying afloat. Puts me at a disadvantage, but I'm also not a particularly strong swimmer. Yet.

For me, this was my first swim of the year - and I was predictably slow and toward the back of the pack. The one upside of being toward the back of the swim pack is that I get kicked in the face less. Though, I have aspirations of soon being up front, and delivering regular jaw blows to the slowpokes behind me.

(I'm somewhere out there in that pack of yellow swim caps.)
For the bike leg, I was considerably more optimisitc. This year, I upgraded to a new Trek Road Bike, and added a set of aero bars to put me in that aerodynamic time trial position (aerodynamic position not pictured). It all worked pretty much as planned. I averaged just over 17mph for the 12 mile bike leg, and at times was up over 25mph. The only people passing me on the bike were the hard core riders who, jerkishly, were flying.

The run, normally my strong suit, was not my best - as I'd put so much energy into the bike. However, it's early in the season and my running legs are still only at about 70% - so plenty of room for improvement there as well. Also, I plan to do more 'brick' workouts - which is doing a hard bike ride, and then going immediately into a run.

All in all, pretty pleased for this early in the year, and I'll probably do my next Tri in about 3 weeks. I've also decided I'm going to invest in a wetsuit. I'll save my readers the pictures, but instead - you can get a feel for the suit I'm buying from this guy from the catalog:

Go ahead. I'll give you a minute to let your imaginations run wild.

And for a walk down triathlon memory lane, my first ever Triathlon back in 2009.

Problem Solved

2010-05-27T00:02:00.005-05:00

This week, I've been putting some thought into creative solutions for how to stop that oil leak at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico. After a few glasses of wine, I think I've got it:

This is a job for Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, and Owen Wilson (?!).

And if they're not busy, Steve Buscemi and that big black guy with the overly-deep voice can come along for comic relief. A good oil spill needs a few jokes to keep things light and bubbly. Bubbly is probably a bad choice of words.

Also, this video below is one of my favorite things Mtv has done in the last decade:

With the long holiday weekend coming up, I can almost guarantee you'll be able to find Armageddon playing on TBS or TNT at some point during the weekend. If not, dust it off from your DVD collection and take part in nuking asteroids as they hurtle towards earth. Totally plausible.

My Daily Inbox

2010-05-12T01:29:00.002-05:00

The Simpsons 'Tik Tok' Opening

2010-05-04T02:16:00.004-05:00

Pretty well done, even if it's been a decade since we've talked about The Simpsons with any real significance.

Spring Training

2010-04-26T20:28:00.007-05:00

Running season has officially kicked off, which I signify by 2 factors: 1.) When I can run outside in shorts and without a jacket, and 2.) When I get registered for my fall marathon.

This year, we thought we'd mix it up a bit and run the New York City Marathon. However, they get about 90,000 applications for 30,000 spots - so it's up to the lottery to get you in. This year, the bouncing balls were not in our favor - and neither Josh nor I got in. 2011, here we come...

Instead, I'll be running the Twin Cities Marathon for the fourth time in October, and the 5 to 6 months of training will be kicking off soon. Satisfying to be talking about 'my fourth marathon'.

Here's my tentative calendar for summer events:

Long Branch Half Marathon - May 2nd (next weekend)

Two Summer 'Sprint' Triathlons - June and August

One Summer 'Full' Triathlon - July

Twin Cities Marathon - October

Twice weekly Boxing Class

Once weekly Jump Rope Class

And probably a few other 5k's and 10k's mixed in with the 4x weekly training runs

I always get the season kicked off with a new pair of running shoes, and tonight I picked up the Nike Vomero 5+. I've stuck with this model shoe for a good 3+ years now; having gone through the Vomero 2, 3, and 4....and now onto the 5. Some people hate on Nike running shoes, but they work for me - and I'm a big fan of the Nike+ iPod running tracker...which you'll notice in the right hand column of this blog.

I typically drop about 15 to 20 pounds over the summer, but adding in the boxing and increased weight lifting this year might mean I'll put on more muscle - and drop less overall pounds. It would have been nice to get into the NYC Marathon...but if you're rejected 2 years in a row, you automatically get in the 3rd year.

The last item on my wish list for this summer is a nice Trek Road Bike to go along with the Mountain Bike I picked up last summer. My Mountain Bike is great for the trails and short triathlons, but won't cut it in more serious affairs.

A New Pony For The Stable

2010-04-06T01:30:00.008-05:00

The sun has been shining here in the Mid-Atlantic, so it was time to add a new pony to the stable. Or, rather, 327 ponies (horses) under the hood. The G-37 Infiniti Hard Top Convertible is now dropping ~~panties~~ its top all up and down my neighborhood.

It's my first convertible, and to quote Ferris Bueller, "It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up."

On any given day, I'm typically in my car for an hour or two on average, driving to appointments and meetings. However, now that I have this car - I keep coming up with errands that need to be handled while the sun is shining. "Milk. Definitely need to get milk right now - while the sun is out and the top can be down."

An unexpected side effect of having a convertible is that I now have to be conscious of what music is playing anytime I pull up to a stoplight. I have to be careful not to accidentally wander onto XM 23 (The 'Love' Channel). The whole image of a cool convertible could be completely undermined by Whitney Houston's Didn't We Almost Have it All, blaring out for everyone to hear.

I'd had my eye on this car since it was released late last year, and when I took it for a test drive I was pretty much sold in about 2 minutes. Nonetheless, I put it through the paces, and the last test was to try out the roof open/close mechanism. As the top was going up, the dealer hit me with this gem of a conversation:

Dealer: "Are you single, man?"

Me: "For now."

Dealer: "Ha. I hear ya. With this car, you're gonna get so much p***y, it'll be sick."

I laughed at the Guido charm of it all, but in truth - that's still the best way to sell a convertible to a red blooded American.

And for fun, A look at my cars of yester-year

Rise of the Retrosexual

2010-03-30T18:55:00.008-05:00

David Beckham and the whole Metrosexual thing has always made me a bit uncomfortable. I appreciate hitting the gym, eating well, a nice haircut, and custom made suits - but never to the flaming extent that society has labeled the pampered 'Metrosexual'. I'm conservative in my politics, and have a penchant for a Brooks Brothers suit. Some women have called me 'old fashioned' - though I believe 'classic' is a more fitting term.

This evening I stumbled upon a term that may more aptly describe east coast mark - 'Retrosexual'. Rather than having me explain it, take a look at this Ignite talk by Brett McKay. If you're not familiar with an Ignite talk - the presenter is allowed 5 minutes and 20 slides to talk on a topic of their choosing. As an added twist, the slides automatically advance themselves every 15 seconds.

"A masculine engery that inspired confidence in others."

Let's hold ourselves to a higher standard, Gents.

Sinatra's Rules

2010-03-25T00:31:00.005-05:00

east coast mark and the fellas are headed to Vegas in a few weeks for a 30th birthday bash. To get us in the spirit, here are a few fashion rules by Vegas mainstay- The Chairman of the Board himself.

“For me, a tuxedo is a way of life. When an invitation says black tie optional, it is always safer to wear black tie. My basic rules are to have shirt cuffs extended half an inch from the jacket sleeve. Trousers should break just above the shoe. Try not to sit down because it wrinkles the pants. If you have to sit, don’t cross your legs. Pocket handkerchiefs are optional, but I always wear one, usually orange, since orange is my favorite color. Shine your Mary Janes on the underside of a couch cushion.”

THE RULES

1. It takes two hands to put on a hat the right way: Back brim curled up, front tugged down to a couple of inches above the right brow.

2. Never wear brown at night. Never.

3. There’s no excuse for brown shoes past sundown.... Or white shoes. Or anything gray, unless it’s deep charcoal. Or blue, unless it’s midnight blue. In fact, let’s keep it simple: after dark, men should wear black.

4. Ties should be silk. And conservative.

5. Cuff links always. But leave the fancy jewelry to Sammy.

6. When dressing formally, a vest is better than a cummerbund.

7. Don’t wear a tuxedo on Sunday.

8. Having messy closets is like putting on clean clothes over dirty underwear.

9. The shower is a great place to steam out the wrinkles in your dinner jacket.

10. Orange is the happiest color.

11. Don’t hide your scars. They make you who you are.

12. When it comes to pockets, everything should have its own place.

13. A pocket handkerchief is essential, but it needs to be perfectly folded.

14. Shine your shoes.

15. Trim. Buff. Clean.

16. Take your hand off the suit, creep.

Adapted by Sinatra from The Way You Wear Your Hat, by Bill Zehme

'Saved By The Bell' + Pointer Sisters

2010-03-17T17:05:00.005-05:00

If there's one guarantee in this life, it's that if you produce an awesome video mashup of Saved By The Bell clips - east coast mark will post it. I still maintain that Zach Attack, or Zach and Kelly's prom were more poignant episodes - but most will agree that Jessie getting addicted to caffeine pills was the apex of the series.

And now, some brilliant Internet nerd has put together today's musical interlude:

Not the best I've seen, but definitely above average. Man, the 90's. Good stuff.

Donald Trump on Morning Joe

2010-03-12T16:38:00.015-05:00

The Celebrity Apprentice is starting back up again this Sunday (set your DVR's now, because you'll be too hungover on Sunday morning to remember). With the return of his show, Donald Trump has been making the rounds on all the talk shows this week. He was on Letterman last night, and watching those two yuck it up is about as good as it gets on TV.

This morning, Trump was on Morning Joe - and I loved everything the man had to say. It might surprise some of you, but Trump is actually very intelligent, a savvy businessman, and well educated on a wide range of issues. As you'll see in the clip below, his views on politics, trade with China, and price fixing from OPEC - are all spot on. Imagine how efficient and prosperous this country would be if we had true businessmen running the country, and not just wordy politicians chasing their tails on healthcare. [editor's note: this is why east coast mark supports businessman Mitt Romney to be our next president]

It's worth watching all the way to the end (particularly after the 9:15 mark). I especially enjoyed his dig at Al Gore (I couldn't agree more).

Handsome Men's Club

2010-03-08T20:11:00.002-05:00

As a man who suffers with the curse of being handsome, I sympathize with my fellow club members:

My appologies to my fans that I was unable to make the meeting that night - Clooney and I were meeting Justin Timberlake to pick up whores on the Vegas strip.

A Bit Nipply - Marathon #3 Recap

2010-03-03T08:16:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday [ed. note: I started this in October, but it's now 4 months ago] was the running of my third marathon; the 2009 edition of the Twin Cities Marathon. Year one (2007) was ungodly hot (88 degrees in October), year two (2008) was soaking rain for half the race. For 2009, it seemed like the weather was finally going to be more indicative of October in Minnesota - low 50's.

However, as we made our way to the starting line - I was wearing a sweatshirt, sweatpants, a hat, and gloves. 45 degrees when I woke up, overcast skies, but no rain (or snow) in sight.

Let's roll.

5:30 am - Breakfast. Croissant with peanut butter, half banana (only half, because it was way too green to stomach more than half), OJ, LaraBar (organic granola bar), 20 oz diet coke, bottle of water, one GU packet (Espresso Love flavor), and 3 Advil.

6:15 am - B and Josh show up at my place, and we carpool down to the Metrodome. We are all dressed like we're heading out to build a snow fort, not run a marathon.

7:00 am - We've made it to the Dome, and take our turn waiting in line for the port-o-potty. This is slightly more challenging when you have to remove gloves and 3 layers before getting down to business. Temperature is now a balmy 46 degrees with a slight wind.

7:25 am - We find an enclosed tent by the Vikings ticket office that allows us to get out of the wind and cold while we stretch and lube up with Vaseline. Not a bad find; it was like a VIP tent for 20 minutes. Josh, doing his best 'Intervention' impression, has a baggie of 13 Ibuprofen that he stuffs in his pocket. B and I are alarmed. "13?"

7:55 am - Line up for the start. With such a big crowd (11,000), we find ourselves back with the 6 hour time group. This necessitates hopping a fence, and moving up toward the 4:30 pack. Fence hopping wasn't really the way we expected to start the day - but when in Rome.

8:00 am - Race starts. We're clad in long sleeves, gloves, and I'm sporting an earwarmer. I expect to ditch most of these at some point early on in the race, but it was cold enough to at least start with a few layers. We cross the start line, and our watches click on.

8:03 am - This year, we actually spent some time discussing race strategy - and all 3 of us plan to at least start running together, and then...."we'll see what happens." My long-shot goal is 4:30, but realistically we're shooting for 4:45. My Marathon PR (Personal Record) is 4:57, so anything under that would be a victory.

8:25 am - We're getting into the flow of the race. My legs feel a little dead, but I attribute this to the cold and just taking time for the muscles to warm up. We run the first two miles at about a 10:20 pace.

8:45 am 'The Incident' - Around mile 6, Josh, unexpectedly, announces that he has to take a piss. No nice way of saying that. Unsure of how to handle this request, we kind of shrug it off for a quarter mile.
Josh pipes up again, "all right - I'm gonna pull off into the woods. You guys go ahead, I'll catch up." There was no real discussion, he just disappears off to the right - up into the woods. Nature calls.
B and I continue, not really knowing what to do. We agree that we won't sprint ahead, but we're also not exactly going to stop and wait for this bladder-challenged woman. Not 2 minutes later, we come across a water stop, and we decide that we'll take it slow - walking a bit, and figuring Josh should be pulling up in no time. Any minute now. Where is he. Seriously, where is he?

9:00am - 9:30am - Still no Josh. We suspect he's running about the same pace as us, and just can't seem to catch up. Whatever. We keep going.

9:45am - We come across B's girlfriend, and mention to her as we run by that Josh should be behind us by a few minutes. "No." she says. "He's about 10 minutes ahead of you."
......
..............
....................

"WTF!!" Our minds are racing. How is that possible. No way. She's mistaken. She must have started drinking early this morning, because Josh is way behind us after having stopped for a piss.

9:48am - We come across my parents a bit further up the road. "Have you seen Josh?" "Yes" says my dad. "He's maybe 2 or 3 minutes ahead." (My dad, having run multiple marathons, is a bit more of a reliable source on race timing than B's girlfriend - so we trust him.) Somehow in the confusion of that water stop - Josh had gotten ahead of us. This completely shocks our system.

10:00am - Still somewhat confused at how Josh got ahead of us, we re-assess our strategy. The plan was for everyone to stay together. Should we kick it into overdrive and catch him? Stick to our pace? We start swearing at him. "That little sh*t. How did he get ahead of us..."

10:30am - B and I are running well, and I calculate that we've just run the fastest half marathon I've ever done. We're on pace for a Personal Record.

Mile 21- B starts having some mild leg cramps. Slightly concerning, as I know he hasn't gotten in any long runs over 18 miles during his training. He's in slightly uncharted territory. I'm feeling good, but not perfect. My legs have never quite hit their perfect stride all day - and they've felt slightly 'dead' all day. Tough to put a finger on the reason - but my personal feeling is that the cold has prevented my legs from having their optimal performance, and strange as it might seem - I feel as though I've packed on 3 or 4 pounds during the 'taper' period leading up to the race, and I can feel myself hauling that extra weight.

Mile 23 - We turn onto Summit avenue, and B is hitting a major hurdle with his legs. Cramps all around. I'm pushing for a PR here, so I don't really want to slow down. B has to stop completely and walk and stretch. I keep ahead of him by about 20 feet....then 40 feet....then 50 feet up the road. I'm partially trying to be his rabbit so he'll start up again and catch me...but I also want to just keep going.

Mile 23.2 - I'm about 10 seconds from turning my back on B, and just pushing ahead and finishing by myself. I'm a team player, but at this point I want that PR. Just as I'm about to turn and go, he perks up and starts to run. I congratulate him for pushing through it, but we still have 3 miles to go.

Mile 24 - I'm back in the mode of intently monitoring my watch. I know that we'll finish under 5 hours for sure. I'm fairly sure that we can beat our PR - but we need to keep pushing. Any setback could put that PR in jeopardy. We're running about 4 minutes at a time, followed by 20 seconds or so of walking.

Mile 24.2 - I hit a wall. Not a full-on shutdown, but I feel pretty gassed - and this has never happened to me in my previous marathons. Not cramps or injury, just feeling like I'm out of energy. I can barely run a minute without needing a few steps of walking. Surprisingly, B and I have now flip flopped roles. He's feeling strong again, and I'm struggling. B barks something at me, and we both pick it up.

Mile 25 - We can sense the finish, and both are moving at a decent pace. Nothing will stop us now, and the struggles of the last few miles seem to have been overtaken by the will to finish with a PR.

Mile 26 - Finish in sight, we're almost assured a PR - so we kick it up into a dead sprint for the final 400 meters. Sadly, we've never caught Josh - so we know he's most likely finished in front of us. Still, running that last mile knowing you'll hit a PR is a good feeling. As spiteful as B and I are, we have an unspoken agreement to cross the finish line together. And we do.

Finishing time: 4:54.36. A new Personal Record for the Marathon.

2007: 5:52.50
2008: 4:57.20
2009: 4:54.36

Some final thoughts: (I write these so that I can look back on them before future marathons)

- The cool/cold weather seemed to zap the 'zip' in my legs. I should have done more warming up, even a slight jog around the parking lot might have helped.
- Tough to coordinate a running group, and despite how much you plan - you can't plan for everything...such as unscheduled bathroom breaks.
- My marathon training was the most extensive yet, but to cut more time off for future marathons - I'm going to need to take it up one more notch. More speed work is a must. And dropping 5 more pounds (and not putting it back on during the taper) will help.
- Between March and October, I dropped 17 lbs, getting down to a low of 175 after one long run.
- I didn't feel particularly cashed or gassed at the end of the race. I'm not sure if that's because my training was well done, because I 'left' some effort out on the course, or maybe the cold saved some energy...
- I've got a faster marathon in me, no question. With the right training and diet, 4:30 is easily possible.
- I was almost completely recovered from the race within 2 days.

The plan for 2010 is to change it up a bit, and we're planning to run the New York City marathon in November. It's a lottery system, so if we don't get in - it might be back to the Twin Cities for a 4th year.

You may have also seen these video posts here on east coast mark - recapping some of the incidents of race day. Perhaps now they'll make more sense after having read the race day blog.

Episode 1

Episode 2

Stay tuned for Episode 3...

It's Richard, Rodney.

2010-02-09T22:06:00.003-05:00

All the east coast is in total bedlam because of Snowmageddon, and now Snowmageddon II - which is coming tonight and tomorrow. The Squeakquel. What is going on here? I was at the grocery store tonight, and people were stocking up like they're crossing the Rocky Mountains on foot.

Really, I was just looking for a reason to post an awesome Saved By The Bell compliation.

If you're snowed in too, and looking to kill a little time - click here for a few more of my thoughts on SBTB.

The Bow Tie - I've Done It At Last

2010-01-04T20:05:00.006-05:00

If your teenage years are for making foolish decisions, your 20's are for making smarter and more daring ones. Or, at least that sounds good - as I just made it up.

Regular readers of this blog know that early in 2009 I purchased my first bow tie. I had no particular event or occasion in mind, just a general thought that perhaps I should own a bow tie. Kind of like owning a vegetable steamer - you're not going to use it much, but maybe you should have one.

I figure I've had this bow tie about 7 months; patiently waiting for the right combination of the perfect occasion + the requisite amount of confidence to pull it off. Christmas Eve - I pulled the trigger, and finally donned a bow tie for the first time.

A bit about the tie: it's a nice quality Brooks Brothers tie - Churchill style (tiny polka dots) similar to the one seen below. Pink dots on a navy background. I paired it with a maroon v-neck sweater and white dress shirt.

One of the things about a bow tie vs. a regular tie is that it leaves a lot of real-estate open across the center of a man's chest. Hence, bow ties are typically best paired with 3-button suits, vests, or v-neck sweaters that sit higher on the breast bone and leave less 'blank' space.

The reaction from the paparazzi was overwhelmingly positive. Part of this was due to the fact that I premiered this look at my home church, and many of those in attendance hadn't seen me in months. Additionally, my Father's signature look is the bow tie - so there were many 'like father, like son' comments. My mother just shook her head with a wry smile, and proceeded to tell me I looked like a clown. I accept feedback in all forms.

Personally - I liked the look. It's smart, festive, and appropriate for the holiday season. It also shows you take pride in your appearance, and that you took a few minutes to tie the bow with care. I can't say it's something I would don everyday (unless you're a Harvard Professor) - but it is a nice change to mix things up. Also, pairing the bow tie with a sweater or vest makes it somewhat less formal than a full suit. If you wear a tie everyday like I do, adding in a bow tie to the rotation once or twice a month is definitely appropriate.

Interestingly, later in the week I stopped into a men's store - and inquired about their selection of bow ties. The gentleman told me that bow ties are THE hot seller this season, and he's been selling them primarily to men ages 20 - 40. Don't be surprised to see this look popping up in 2010, and maybe you too will be bold enough to try one on.

Lastly - as I've said before, never under any circumstances should you wear a pre-tied bow tie. It's really as simple as tying your shoes, and a bow tie should never look too perfect. A little imperfection in the knot gives it (and you) some character.

Year End Book Reviews

2009-12-26T08:53:00.021-05:00

Remember writing book reports in 3rd grade? Actually, I recall writing book reports for as long as I was in school - college included. Needless to say, book reports may be the reason many children hate reading; because your reward for finishing a book is that you get to write a big paper at the end.

It's now 2009, and I still don't want to write book reports. Thus, rather than making a blog post after every book I read, I figured I'd do one mass year-end post. Here is a quick synopsis of the books I read in 2009 - maybe you'll pick up something new to read.

'The Devil We Know - Dealing with the New Iranian Superpower' - Robert Baer
I heard this author give an interview on XM Radio this spring, and was pretty intrigued. He is the ex-CIA operative that the movie Syriana is roughly based on. This book discusses Iran's rise to power, and lays out exactly what the USA needs to understand about Middle Eastern culture - and their struggle for power and recognition. Take home lesson: the Iranians aren't harden terrorists, but methodical and calculating in their grab for dominance in the Middle East. A bit of a heady read - but worth the time if you are into global politics or badass CIA guys.

'It's Not About The Bike - My Journey Back To Life' - Lance Armstrong
Probably the best book I read this year. Written in 2001, I just got around to it this year. This book documents Lance's diagnosis with cancer, his treatment, and eventual recovery. The book culminates with his return to the bike and first Tour de France victory. Definitely inspirational, and a great read if you're interested in what drives and motivates people.

'My Booky Wook: A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up' - Russell Brand
You'll remember this guy as the eccentric British rock star from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Turns out his real life isn't all that unlike the character he plays in the movie. I can't remember what inspired me to buy this book - other than I think he's mildly entertaining and could possibly offer me some tips on shagging women. It was a fairly entertaining biography, and reads exactly like the title suggests: sex, drugs, and stand-up.

'The Age of Turbulence: Adventures in a New World' - Alan Greenspan
At 576 pages, this is no quick read. However, the man has led such a long and remarkable career - you can break the book up into smaller parts to make it more manageable. This was a particularly timely read early in 2009, when the world economies were still highly unstable. Greenspan explains many of the decisions he made during his 5 terms as Chairman of the Fed, and why those decisions were necessary. Greenspan presided over the US Economy for the last 20 years, so his insight into the financial world is second to none.

'American History in 100 Nutshells' - Thaddeus Tuleja
This book had been on my bookshelf for about a decade, and it finally got it's turn at the plate. Each 'nutshell' is a 2 page synopsis of a major event in US History. Forgot what the Teapot Dome Scandal was all about? It's here. I didn't sit down and bust this out in a week or two, but just gradually chewed on it over the fall. This book will not help you pick up chicks, but may come in handy for an appearance on Jeopardy!

'Angels and Demons' - Dan Brown
No synopsis needed here. However, I will brag that I finished this book in about 24 hours - because I wanted to go see the movie the next day...after having read the book first. I must say, this is a bad idea to power read a book - and then go see the movie 3 hours later. You need a little gap to forget some of the small details. As is, I really hated the movie because they changed so many things that I was keenly aware of. Still, a very solid and enjoyable page turner.

'The Old Man and The Sea' - Ernest Hemingway
A Classic. Quick read. This was another book I recall reading in high school, and this year it jumped off the table at me at the book store. Probably another poignant book to read in a year of a tough economy. A story about an old man battling it out, day after day, ...and well, I won't give away the ending. Hemingway wrote this in Cuba in 1951, and won him the Nobel Prize in Literature.

'In The President's Secret Service' - Ronald Kessler
I saw a piece on CNN about all the preparations going into Obama's inauguration, and it sparked my interest in this book. Turns out it wasn't all that interesting of a read. However, there was some insight into how over-stretched the Secret Service is, and how most agents just put in a few years until they can go get a much higher paying job in private security.

'1984' - George Orwell
Big Brother is watching you. The Obama Administration inspired me to read this one. The administration's lust for making government bigger and bigger, and sticking their hand into every aspect of our lives...well, Big Brother would be proud. One of my favorites this year, and I enjoyed it much better than the first time I read it (a decade ago). The themes here are probably too advanced for a high school student to fully appreciate. Give it another read.

'To Kill a Mockingbird' - Harper Lee
My Aunt sent me a first edition print of this book from 1960. I know I've read this before, but I couldn't remember much about the story other than the mysterious 'Boo Radley' and sturdy 'Atticus Finch'. The language is rather colorful, but has warm and comforting tones of family life in the South. I'm still working on this one, only about halfway through after having started it in mid-December.

'Going Rogue' - Sarah Palin
I haven't yet started this, but it's on my bookshelf waiting it's rightful turn in line - I'm hoping to get to it before the new year. McCain was never exactly my guy, but I did find Palin to be incredibly interesting, and she stands to be a major cog in the Republican process for the next several (8?) years. Mitt Romney is still my guy to be our next president, but Sarah Palin is far too well liked to simply disappear. We're here, we shoot deer, get used to it.

Awesome 4 Year Old

2009-12-18T10:13:00.003-05:00

I have a new role model. This may be my favorite story of the year - A heartwarming tale that will warm your soul during this joyful holiday season. Let's watch:

My favorite quote was the mother saying, "Kids do things like this."

Kids do things like this? Really? Drunken cross-dressing burglary? It really is the most awesome thing I've ever heard. Kid gets ripped, steals the presents, and THEN decides to put on the dress!

Some day, this kid is going to go to college - and he will play this video for all his frat buddies, and he will never pay for another drink at the bar ever again.

east coast mark salutes you.

George Clooney and Derek Jeter Cast Dissaproving Looks at Tiger Woods

2009-12-03T23:22:00.009-05:00

George: Tiger, what the hell.

Derek: Seriously Tiger? Didn't we teach you anything?

George: You know how you see me in the tabloids dating a different cocktail waitress every week? Well let me tell you, it's awesome. And you know what else is awesome? Not marrying the first blonde chick I nailed and then having 2 kids and goofy looking dog.

Derek: Seriously Bro. What's with that dog. You have a Billion dollars, and you buy the ugliest dog ever created? It's gotta be retaahhded.

George: Tiger, take a look at Derek here. Let me show you just some of the hoodrats he's slayed in the last couple years:

George: Derek, that's good work not getting married. Keep it up.

Derek: Thanks George. It certainly is awesome being single and running around with different women. The awesome part is, the media celebrate my daliances. In fact, when they don't see me with a new woman every few months, they start to question if something is wrong.

George: Same with me. We're more celebrated and adored because we had the foresight not to settle down; and instead be millionaires who have hos in different area codes. Well Tiger, I hope you've learned your lesson. Cut this Elin chick loose - she's past her prime anyway. Had you come to us sooner, we could have brought in Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn - they might have been able to break up the wedding.

Derek: George, we've gotta be going. We've got pick up Leonardo DiCaprio and head over to the intervention for Tom Brady.

Yes Man

2009-12-03T19:25:00.011-05:00

Today it was 66 degrees here on the East Coast - not exactly the weather one would expect in December with three weeks until Christmas. The Rockefeller Center Tree is lit, the Menorah's are out, and the Kwanzaa folks are...watching Shaft..or whatever they do.

Aside from gorging ourselves on fudge, candy canes, and egg nog - December is also a good time to catch up on one's charitable giving. Partially for tax write-off reasons, but mostly because it's a good time of year to give back in thanks for all you have - and all that Obama has borrowed to keep the bailouts coming.

I've started my own little way to give back, modeled after the Jim Carrey movie 'Yes Man'. Basically it goes like this: Anytime someone asks me to donate or give to a cause/charity in November or December, I say Yes. No questions, no hesitation.

The most common place you'll see this happening is at the cash register at a retail store. It seems more common these days; before the cashier gives you your total for whatever buying, they'll ask if you'd like to donate a dollar or three to the Leukemia Society, or whatever. "Absolutely." Want to purchase a children's book for a child in need? "Yes Ma'am."

It's kind of a Russian Roulette sort of game when I go out shopping now. I have to arm myself with a stack of $1 bills - who knows what I might be donating to. Makes it kind of fun knowing you can't say 'no', and to be honest - giving feels good.

I heard a story once about a woman who had been going to the same church for 50 years. One day there was a story in the paper about how this woman had donated $100,000 to a church on the other side of town, to help them with a renovation. When the pastor from her home church asked why she'd given to another church instead of her own; her answer was, "Because they asked."

So, join me and become a Yes Man this December.

So I Met Lance Armstrong

2009-11-30T23:26:00.008-05:00

The best book I've read this year was Lance Armstrong's 'It's Not About The Bike'. It was Lance's first book (released several years ago), which details his battle with cancer, recovery, and his first Tour de France victory.

This summer, I got into cycling and triathlons quite a bit - which happened to coincide with the 2009 Tour de France. The 2009 version saw Lance emerge from retirement and finish a very respectable 3rd place - after a 4 year retirement at 37 years of age. I followed the Tour daily, read Lance's book, and have continued to follow his career and training pretty closely.

During the year of training for his comeback, Lance had a photographer document the entire process - which they have compiled into his newest book, Comeback 2.0. Tonight, in Northern New Jersey, Lance had a book signing - and I decided I'd turn out.

The signing was held at a fairly small book shop called Bookends, and when I arrived there were probably 200 people already in line. However, they seemed to be moving through the line pretty quickly, and within a half hour I was speaking with Juan Pelota himself. We'll get back to that.

This actually wasn't the first time I'd been up close with Lance. About 5 years ago I was in Austin Texas on a business trip, and at a certain point during dinner with some colleagues, I looked over to see Lance sitting at the table next to me. I don't recall much about the encounter; other than nobody at my table besides me seemed to recognize him, and he had very distinct eyes (no homo).

Back to this evening. They kept the line moving pretty quickly, so there wasn't really time for handshakes and photos. However, I had about 10 seconds with him as he signed my copy of the book. I thanked him for coming out, and said I was happy to meet him. He said, 'You bet. Glad to meet you.' When great athletes come face to face, it's rare to have anything beyond striaght-forward conversation. It's almost like we both recognized the epic greatness in each other, and little else needed to be spoken.

Here's his autograph in the book. It says 'Lance Armstrong 7' - for his seven Tour victories.

A Moment In Time - Episode 2, Josh Gets Captured

2009-11-27T06:12:00.002-05:00

When we last left our superheroes, they were lamenting the marathon hijinks that had broken up the running threesome. Now, we re-join them as they exact their revenge:

A Moment In Time - Re-enacted

2009-11-26T07:34:00.010-05:00

I know I've been a bit delinquent in posting a full recap of my third marathon from this fall. However, I do have a bit of a teaser to get you through. Below is a re-enactment I've created of the pivitol moment in the race - when our threesome got separated by an ill-fated bathroom break by Josh. I'm the guy in the red.

Racism and Ballads

2009-11-22T23:40:00.007-05:00

Two things we love here at east coast mark are 1.) blatant racism and 2.) ballads. Fortunately for us, Eric Cartman was able to combine them both in his song 'Not My Waterpark' from last week's season finale of South Park.

I guarantee this melody will be in your head all day - just don't belt it out when your boss is within earshot, or if you're in line at the DMV or KFC.

What's always been great about South Park is that they nail the subtle stuff - like people wearing t-shirts in the pool at a waterpark. I'm not sure which is worse; fat rolls, or an oversized t-shirt clinging to those fat rolls.

Lay off the egg nog this holiday season everyone. Especially you minorities.

Alien Hottie of the Week: Laura Vandervoort

2009-11-18T01:03:00.008-05:00

If you're watching the new ABC show 'V', you've no doubt taken notice of blonde 'Visitor' hottie "Lisa" - a.k.a actress Laura Vandervoort.

Despite the fact that she's a green alien from another planet, here for some yet unknown sinister purpose - we'll enjoy her curves and lips until such a time as we're forced to destroy her species and drive them from the Galaxy. USA! USA!

Enjoy the goods.

Million Dollar Baby - In Five Seconds

2009-11-13T10:44:00.003-05:00

These 5 Second Movies have been around for awhile, but this one of Million Dollar Baby is about the best I've seen.

That is all.

November Golf

2009-11-11T01:53:00.010-05:00

One benefit to living in the Mid-Atlantic is that golf courses stay open until December or later. This past weekend, with temperatures hovering around 65, I hit the links for a little Sunday night twilight golf.

Considering I hadn't played in about 2 months due to marathon training, I hit the ball really well. 3 pars, 4 bogeys. Got in 7 holes before being chased off the course by darkness. And because I got to the course so late - the Ranger let me go out for free. Free golf...and in November? Neither of these things ever happen in Minnesota.

Here's a photo blog of the afternoon:

That last one is just a moment of pride when my car is the only one in the parking lot, and it's pitch black as I'm taking my spikes off. There's also something satisfying about taking your final swing at a ball, hitting it off down the fairway into the darkness - knowing full well you'll never see that ball again.

Check back in December to see if there's a 'December Golf' blog post.

Soccer Just Got Real

2009-11-06T18:18:00.002-05:00

This past week, a homosexual blogger friend of mine published a blog post about the state of Soccer in America. I typically run across this type of article about once a year - where some rube talks about how soccer is on the verge of becoming a breakout smash here in America.

These posts are usually made by leftist hippies who wish we could fit in with Europe and the rest of the world, and embrace the beautiful sport of futbol. Let me just get you another beret and some face paint, Your Majesty.

However, after seeing some spectacularly awesome footage of a women's NCAA soccer match of BYU vs. New Mexico, I may have changed my mind.

I’d by lying if I said I wasn’t a little turned on…BYU won this game, 1-0. No, I didn’t really care either.

Thank You, Reebok

2009-11-06T17:19:00.006-05:00

In an effort to get handballer Derek Jeter off the front page of east coast mark - Reebok is here to help. Last week, Reebok came out with a commercial to advertise their new EasyTone Shoes - which apparently work your butt and hamstrings 28% more than regular shoes.

The good news is, this wasn't just one ad - but a whole campaign. Thank You, Reebok.

Enjoy your weekend. Get hopped up and make some bad decisions.

Is Derek Jeter Gay? Hard to say. - Updated

2009-10-21T15:45:00.004-05:00

10/26: New evidence has surfaced in our fact-finding mission. This screencap from the '09 postseason:

I find no redeeming qualities in Derek Jeter or the Skankees. Evidence proves conclusive:

Twins vs. Yankees - mobile live blogging

2009-10-08T13:14:00.033-05:00

11:00 - longest walk of my life. These fags are screaming at me every 10 feet. End of blog.

10:30 - now Rocky II clips. Bunch of queers here in NY.

10:10 - I have never screamed louder and had so many people stare at me

10:05 - praying for an 11th. Jumbotron is playing the speech from Any Given Sunday. Bad news yanks - it's Friday

9:50 - iconic moment of the nite. At the bottom of the 9th, someone (yanks fan) throws a beer over the railing into the lower deck. I get up to pee. As I'm in line, 3 security guards storm into the bathroom and physically pull me out of line. "We have witnesses that say you threw the beer. Let me see a ticket."
In my best Joshn Grisham voice, "you KNOW this is a frame job!". They let me go, begrudginegly

9:45 - if you've been a MN sports fan for 29 yrs - you knew it

9:30 - "Stand UP, Stand UP and shout!!!". Nathan theme music in my head.

9:15 - And the silence you hear is Lambeau....no no...the silence you hear is 50,000 tony soprano meatheads

9:07 - they are playing the rocky theme song at full blast. I am playing the "suck my balls" themesong from my pants. Pretty much evens out. Just heard my first "kirby touches women" taunt". I reply, "hip hip, so Gay!!"

9;00 - PUUUUUNTO!!! They play Enter Sandman as RIvera enters. I think of Rock band. Ear to ear baby.

8:45 - they just played an "anti-steroidd PSA" in yankee stadium. Can't make it up.

8:35 - pretty good stuff - all of Yankee stadium singing God bless america. This game is going to be heartache for one team in pinstripes.

8:25 - tension. Beer 4 and 5.

8:15 - AROD may have hit that with a syringe, I don't have my glasses on

7:59 - ear to ear baby. Picture screaming by yourself in church. Taunts of "suck it puckett" rain down. Posada? "Hip hip, so gay!!!"

7:40 - particularly interesting moment as I went to pee between innings. Have you ever tried to fend off stage fright as 300 men hecle you from behind? In true MN fashion, I delivered a hearty stream for a solid 45 seconds. Go Twins. Most lopsided 0-0 game I've ever seen.

7:20 - palpable nervous energy from the yanks fan. Their lineup is just sick though - you never get a break. I'm ordering my third beer. Emily is only on 2.

7:10 - total vomit.

7:05 - this is awesome. Everytime I stand and clap, they're all sitting. I keep piping up the "man, sure is a lot of nervous energy in this crowd".

6:55 - the strike out felt like a makeup call for Span

6:45 - fans in my section turning against me. Its like standing up to cheer in church.
They're now showing Trump, Big Pun, and Bill O'reilly on the big screen. No Kate Hudson??

6:25 - Emily and I are trading smack talk. I remind her the skankees are steroid using fags.

6:15 - audible MVP chant heard when Mauer was up

6:04 - Teixeira is a total fag. Just saying. Punto is batting .667 in the series. Looking for a big game out of Cuddy.the jumbotron is sick

6:00 - national anthem. 2 hot dogs, 2 beers, and potato chips: $35. The guy in front of me is eating a noodle bowl...WITH CHOPSTICKS!!!

5:30 - even less twins fans than usual, due to the quick turnaround time. I am in the beast

5:15 - outside the stadium. Cat calls of "twinkie!!". Though, they have been showing respect to the Puckett jersey.

4:10 - spotted empire state building. Switching trains to head into the bronx. Still no other twins fans spotted. Train attendant yells out "go twins!" And reveals he is a Red Sox fan.

3:45 - train has stopped at 3 stations, and I haven't seen another Twins Jersey. Also, I'm craving a beer and a dog.

3:30 - we're walking up to the train, the conductor sees my jersey - and he shuts the door. Train leaves the station as the conductor laughs maniaclly and points. We catch the next train. And so it begins.

Test of mobile live blogging

2:17 - Appears to be working, thus east coast mark will attempt to do some live-blogging from Yankee Stadium as the Twins take on the Skankees. Check back Friday night for regular updates.

The Gunslinger

2009-09-28T12:01:00.001-05:00

He's like a little kid out there - just having so much fun.

Next week - Vikings vs. Packers. More soon on the titillation that will be Minnesota Sports this coming weekend.

Movember - Who Wants A Moustache Ride?

2009-09-17T02:10:00.010-05:00

I really hope this catches on. (Watch the video)

When I was in college, I made a bet with a buddy (I forget what the bet was) - but the loser had to grow a mustache. I lost. I think I made it 2 weeks, but had to shave it off for a wedding or work or something. I kind of hope this Movember project catches on - both so that I can grow an awesome mustache, but also because the ladies love it. You know you do.

You can check out more about the Movember project at their website. I'm kind of thinking we should start a team - who's with me?

Poetry Thursday? Why Not.

2009-09-03T01:37:00.003-05:00

The Hollow Men
T. S. Eliot, 1925

Mistah Kurtz—he dead.

A penny for the Old Guy

I

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats’ feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death’s other Kingdom
Remember us—if at all—not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

II

Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death’s dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind’s singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death’s dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat’s coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer—

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom

III

This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man’s hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death’s other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

IV

The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death’s twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.

V

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o’clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow

For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow

Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow

For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

"Brett, this is Chili. Why don't you pick up Warren and get down here."

2009-08-20T02:10:00.001-05:00

Brett Whatshisface

2009-08-18T22:00:00.006-05:00

He’s just a little kid running around out there having fun and playing the game the way it was meant to be played runnin’ around gun slingin’ and huntin’ and putin’ it all on the line and drawing up plays in the sand with his finger and fartin’ in the huddle to make guys laugh and playing practical jokes in the locker room like hangin’ dead animals in lockers or dressin’ in a separate room and runnin’ and throwin’ and playin’ the game like they did in the throwback days and he should be wearing a leather helmet he’s so tough and he plays the way we’d play the game if we could, but we can’t, and it’s all just classic Favre. The ole’ little kid gun slinger and he's just havin' so much fun out there.

Daily Fun Fact - Marathon Distance

2009-08-11T03:17:00.006-05:00

When one is training for a marathon, one tends to talk about it a lot. Part of the reason for this is that training for a marathon is like a part time job. You schedule your days around specific workouts, you manage your diet around your daily runs, you think about things like 'how long will I be on my feet if we go shopping all day?' - etc.

Given that your running creeps into all aspects of daily life, one can't help but bring up running several times a day to various people. It's not as intentional or self serving as people who talk about their kids nonstop all day long...but nonetheless, when someone suggests, "Hey, let's go have 19 beers and a few cheeseburgers" - your instinctive response is, 'Can't. Training for a marathon.'

The point of all this rambling is that in these casual conversations, I'm routinely amazed at how few people know how long a marathon is. Most people grasp that a marathon involves running. For a long distance. But they seemingly have no clue if it's 5 miles or 50 miles.

I always assumed that knowing that a marathon is 26.2 miles was somewhat standard knowledge - but apparently not. I'd say 2 out of 3 people say, "A marathon huh? How far is that?" I'm going to start telling people it's 74 miles, and see if I get any pushback.

It could be that my assumption on marathon distance being common knowledge is jaded by the fact that I grew up in a family with a father who ran marathons every year. But my question to other runners; do you also come across such general cluelessness when it comes to marathons or other racing distances?

Daily Fun Fact - A Marathon is 26.2 miles. The name 'marathon' comes from the legend of Pheidippides, a Greek messenger. The legend states that he was sent from the town of Marathon to Athens to announce that the Persians had been defeated in the Battle of Marathon. It is said that he ran the entire distance without stopping and burst into the assembly, exclaiming 'We have won.' before collapsing and dying.

*Sarah Palin is an avid jogger, and loves to sweat. Women joggers are totally hot.

Tri Recap

2009-08-07T02:36:00.007-05:00

Last Sunday I competed in my first triathlon. I'd been thinking about doing one for maybe a year - but just a vague thought, kind of like, 'it would be cool to climb a mountain some day.' However, after purchasing a bicycle this spring, and continuing my marathon training, it seemed like a logical progression - so why not. Let's dive in.

I signed up for the triathlon about three weeks before race day, so it was a bit of a crash course in preparation. I bought a book, and read every blog and online article I could find on the subject. In fact, I realized that my whole life I never knew how to properly spell triathlon. I'd always spelled it with an extra 'a' - triathalon.

All told, I got in plenty of training runs (3 to 4 days a week), sufficient bike training (2 to 3 days a week), and well, less swim training. My building does have a decent pool, but it's by no means Olympic length or ideal for lap swimming. Nonetheless, two evenings I got in a few laps. In an effort to stretch the distance, I went over to the Rutgers Aquatic center and did some laps one evening. In total, 3 swimming training sessions. None of them in the ocean, where the swim would be held.

This might also be a good time to mention that I'd never been swimming in the ocean. Ever. The two times I'd been in the ocean previously, I'd simply waded in up to my knees. Now I was staring down a quarter mile swim in open water, with the threat of waves and sharks bringing my triathlon career to a screeching halt. We'll get back to that.

The morning of the race I rose at 3:30am, had a breakfast of a blueberry muffin, chocolate doughnut, banana, OJ, and a diet coke. I don't drink coffee, so diet coke is my caffeine equivalent. Check in time for the race was 5:30am - and with the hour drive to the shore, the early wake-up call was necessary.

There were about 450 people in the race, and it was still dark out as we checked in and started getting our transition stations setup. You basically have a little 3 foot by 3 foot space of ground below your bike stand where you setup all your gear for the transitions between events. Helmet, sunglasses, race number, shoes, etc. I quickly assess that probably 75% of the field look like seasoned triathletes, with bikes and bodies that are not seen in everyday life.

After a quick pre-race meeting, the 450 of us clad in wetsuits (not me), swim caps, and goggles...head off down to the ocean shore to begin the race. The people around me are commenting on 'how calm the water looks today'. I take their word for it, but still notice breakers that give me a momentary vision of the final scene in Point Break.

The swim starts in 5 'waves', so that everyone isn't on top of each other in the water. I am assigned to the last wave - which is men ages 20-29, and we're designated by our blue swim caps. The swim course is like a big rectangle. You swim straight out to a buoy probably 100 meters out, then make a right turn and swim parallel to the shore for another 200 meters or so, and then back into the shore.

Right before the first wave is set to go off, they announce that if you're a first time triathlete...or if you're not the strongest swimmer, they have bright orange swim caps that you can put on - signifying to the lifeguards to keep a special eye on you. I have an internal debate with myself about whether I will emasculate myself by putting on the orange 'rookie' cap, or weather I'll stick to my blue cap at the risk of drowning. Self preservation wins, and I swap the blue cap for an orange one.

Race starts.

I watch the fist few waves go off in three minute intervals. Probably a half dozen people don't make it out past the first few waves, and float back into shore and give up. This is slightly unnerving, but it's mostly old men and small women - not strapping bucks like myself.

My wave starts. We charge into the ocean, and are immediately hit by 2 or 3 breakers. The only way to get through them is to dive at the base of them, and pop out the other side. The very first one sends my goggles climbing up my forehead. I quickly get them back in place, and continue on - slightly shocked by how salty the water is. The elite guys take off, and I'm toward the back of the pack, acclimating myself to my first strokes in open water. Within 50 meters, I'm already slightly out of breath - and definitely not moving at Michael Phelps pace.

Making it to the first buoy wasn't terribly difficult, but my stroke form quickly broke down - and I'd downshifted into a modified side stroke. The water was littered with lifeguards on surfboards, kayaks, and jetskis - and if you get tired you're allowed to grab onto one to catch your breath. Needless to say, I got to know one of the kayak guys on a first name basis. Once it became clear that I was pretty overmatched by the ocean, my swim was all about just a slow and steady progress - and just finishing became the only priority. Since I was in the last wave, and now near the back of the pack - it's pretty much just me and about 5 other guys bringing up the rear.

When I made the final buoy and started the turn for home, it was a huge relief. All I really had to do at that point was float - and I'd make it back to shore with the current. Myself and the final 3 guys all made it out of the ocean at about the same time, probably a good 12 minutes behind the leaders. Stumbling out of the ocean after that struggle was like something out of the movie Cast Away.

The swim had taken a bit more out of me than I'd planned - but I quickly recovered and was jogging up the beach toward the transition area. Once back at my spot, I dump the swim cap and goggles, do my best to towel the sand out from between my toes before slipping on socks and shoes for the cycling leg of the race. Helmet, sunglasses, grab the bike - and we're off onto the 12 mile bike course. Physically I was good for the bike leg, but my Mountain Bike wasn't able to keep up with the elite guys on their $5,000 Triathlon bikes. I'm thinking I'll upgrade to a nice road bike next spring.

The second transition is considerably less work; simply re-racking the bike, dropping the bike helmet, and strapping on a race number for the run portion. I'm noticeably at the back of the field after my slow swim and sub-optimal bike, but fortunately the run was my strong suit.

To my surprise, my legs felt unusually strong during the run - not cashed like I'd expected. Within a mile I was quickly passing people - which was the first time all race I'd passed anyone.

Crossing the finish line was definitely a different sensation than crossing the finish line in my 2 previous marathons. This sensation was more of a relief that I'd survived, but also it felt like a bit of a challenge - knowing I'd left a lot of time out on the course. There was an immediate sensation of, 'well, I've got to do that again - and next time do it better.' A wetsuit would help with the buoyancy. More time in the pool or ocean would improve my endurance. A race bike would help. All things that can easily be accomplished before my next race. All in all it was a pretty fun experience, and also strangely bizarre switching between 3 events like that all in rapid succession.

The next day I signed up for another triathlon; September 5th. This one has the swim in a lake, not in the ocean. At least it takes the shark attack equation out of the mix.

Triathlon

2009-07-30T00:50:00.005-05:00

Something new on the agenda for this weekend; Sunday I'll be competing in my first Triathlon. I'd been running 3+ days a week in training for the marathon, and also biking 2-3 times a week...so I figured a triathlon might be a fun way to pull them all together.

The race is known as a 'Sprint Triathlon' - which is the entry level triathlon distance. It's a quarter-mile ocean swim, 11.5 mile bike ride, topped off with a 5k run. The swim will probably be the most challenging part - dodging waves, other swimmers, and perhaps the occasional shark. I've spent the week doing laps in the pool at my building, and also hitting up the Rutgers aquatic facility for some longer swims. I've got a fairly decent stroke, but it's amazing how quickly you get winded.

Surprisingly, most people I've told about the race have said, "Well, that doesn't seem too hard." I've been a bit surprised at the cavalier attitude from the peanut gallery. True, I think each one of these distances don't sound terrible individually, but the back-to-back-to-back nature...while racing for the fastest time should be a challenge. As a friend of mine said, "If it were easy, everyone would be running triathlons."

The race is being held at Belmar on the Jersey Shore, at the deliciously early starting time of 7am. Just another day at the beach.

If you're curious, the famous Ironman Triathlon is a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride, finished off with a full marathon of 26.2 miles. Just wrong.

The Obama Matrix

2009-07-23T23:02:00.003-05:00

"If there's a blue pill and a red pill, and the blue pill is half the price of the red pill and works just as well, why not pay half price for the thing that's going to make you well?" -- President Obama

In last night's press conference, President Obama seemed to be reliving that famous scene from The Matrix. The main character is offered a choice between a red pill that makes him see reality for what it is, and a blue pill that allows him to continue living in a pleasant world of illusions.

Last night, President Obama appeared to have taken the blue pill before his press conference. How else could he convince himself, the Congressional Budget Office's numbers notwithstanding, that his health care reform bill will not increase both health care costs and the federal deficit? How else can he continue to make the argument that a massive expansion of government spending on health care will solve rather than exacerbate the current problems? How can he repeatedly express such absolute certainty that such a measure will easily pay for itself several times over in the long run? Why can he not at least acknowledge the possibility that it will become a costly and useless trillion-dollar boondoggle that follows in the footsteps of his stimulus package?

With his example of the red and blue pills, and another about whether a child's hypothetical tonsils should be removed, President Obama unwittingly presents the real problem with his plan for reform. Here is a well-meaning government official who so fails to grasp the problem in health care that he can present such absurd oversimplifications and suggest that this sort of thing is the real problem -- doctors simply lack the common sense to make obvious medical decisions. President Obama wants us to solve this problem by putting himself and other government officials in charge of rescuing medicine from the medical profession. If medical doctors with a decade of schooling cannot distinguish between good cures and ineffective ones that must be discontinued, then by gosh, we're lucky that the good folks from the government can.

President Obama thus frames the issue as a false choice between doing nothing at all and handing over to Washington complicated, case-by-case medical decisions that cannot possibly be legislated or dictated by government.

This transfer of medical authority to the bureaucracy is intended to curb costs. Unfortunately, there is exactly one thing that government can do to control costs in health care: it can insist on paying below cost. This shifts the cost burden to private insurance companies, which in turn pass along higher premiums to their patients. This is what government-run Medicare does today for many treatments, including cancer. Government will do more of this kind of "saving" when it assumes greater responsibility for funding citizens' health care, particularly if a government-option health care plan is established. The Mayo Clinic which President Obama praised in his speech last night is the same Mayo Clinic whose president signed onto a letter to Congress yesterday, expressing fears that a government-option health care plan Obama wants to establish will do more of this cost-shifting. The letter states:

Under the current Medicare system, a majority of doctors and hospitals that care for Medicare patients are paid substantially less than it costs to treat them. Many providers are therefore already approaching a point where they can not afford to see Medicare patients. Expansion of a Medicare-type plan without a method to define, measure, and pay for healthy outcomes for patients will move many doctors and hospitals across this threshold, and ultimately hurt the patients who seek our care. We should not put more Americans into the current unsustainable system.

President Obama brushed off this concern last night near the end of his press conference, citing a hopeful but very vague blog post on Mayo's website that went up a day before the letter was sent. In addition to ignoring budgetary and medical concerns, he repeated his dubious promise that his plan will not force millions of Americans out of health insurance plans they already have and like. He had no comforting words to convince anyone of the wisdom of creating two new taxes on employers -- one of them a tax that punishes small businesses with a higher tax rate if they create more jobs -- in the middle of a recession.

The one thing President Obama did not do last night was address directly any of the concerns that Americans have about his pending reform proposals. With this sort of rhetorical detachment from reality, it is not surprising that public support for his vision of health care reform is gradually eroding.

President Obama needs to take the red pill, even if it does cost twice as much.

By David Freddoso of the Washington Examiner

Unintentional Villains

2009-07-23T00:34:00.006-05:00

If you've sat down to watch any major sporting event in the past decade, you are keenly aware that network sports broadcasts are now a huge production - some might say over-produced. No longer do we simply have two sportscasters chit-chatting their way through the Super Bowl or US Open. Instead, we're routinely hit with the tear jerking vignettes about our sports heros growing up without any legs, and then going on to win 19 consecutive marathons after battling cancer and AIDS. Or, the like. And we can't get enough.

Jim Nantz, of course, is the master. Bob Costas and Rick Reilly are close behind. These guys could turn Michael Vick into a hard-knock story of redemption and pride, and by the end of the 4 minute segment you'd be in the bathroom trying to put your hair in cornrows. We're suckers for emotion, and we love the underdog.

And if there's one thing we've learned about the American sports fan lately - it's that we love old guys. Tom Watson, Lance Armstrong, Greg Norman, Brett Favre (depending on who you ask).

This past Sunday, at roughly the same time, two of our favorite geezers were center stage - making a run at history: 59 year old Tom Watson was teeing it up with a chance to win the British Open, and 37 year old Lance Armstrong was in the French Alps, 8 seconds off the lead in the Tour de France. However, by the end of the afternoon, it was all over - and both men had their dreams dashed, by villains. Dirty, dirty villains.

Now, these villains probably aren't bad guys at heart...but you can't help but hate Stewart Cink and Alberto Contador a little bit. Stewart Cink wore his green highlighter shirt, and beat Tom Watson in a playoff - robbing us of one of the great sports stories of all time. Contador (Armstrong's teammate) sprinted ahead of Lance during the 15th stage, and Armstrong had no choice but to stay back - and not chase down his teammate. Both were tough to watch. Truthfully, we probably hate Contador more because he's from Spain (and fuck the Spanish, right?)

So these guys are now unintentional villains because they robbed us of our climax at the end of the old-guy-vignette-foreplay. If you're not a fan of golf or cycling - fast forward to the 2010 Superbowl...with Brett Favre on the field with a chance to take the Vikings to a win, and then at the last second they lose on a flea flicker by the goddam Patriots. Fuck Boston too. Spain and Boston can go get bent.

Here are our unintentional villains of the week, with their villainous mustaches:

This may be a running theme, so feel free to submit your weekly picks for 'Villain of the Week'.

Senators and Judges? Top Notch.

2009-07-15T17:45:00.003-05:00

An excerpt from today's 'grilling' of potential Justice Sotomayor...

Glad we've got this brain trust locked up.

Bush: 1, Obama: 0

2009-07-15T16:55:00.004-05:00

The matchup of the Presidential first pitches goes to W.

Now, Obama's throw last night wasn't completely pathetic - but it definitely reeks of 'throwing like a girl'. No doubt he had a team of people doing their best to beef up his throw in the days leading up to the All Star Game. I know Obama is a basketball guy, and we've all seen the countless 'one-of-us' videos as he drained jump shots while hooping it up during his campaign. But what always baffles me is how a male in this country can be proficient in one sport, yet be mostly inept at other sports. True well rounded athletes can do it all.

I never played organized basketball, but I can still make a layup and drain the occasional 3 pointer. I didn't go to bowling camp, but I can regularly top 160+ on the hardwood (Obama famously bowled a 37 last year). Tennis, golf, skiing, wakeboarding, marathons - east coast mark is ready to roll.

But do you ever see some of these professional basketball players try and pick up a golf club? Baffling how they can be so terrible. How can you be a dominant athlete in one sport, and never learn to throw a spiral with a football? Or these guys that were a star wide receiver, but if you put a tennis racket in their hand they look like Special Olympic rejects. I do like guys like Tony Romo - an NFL starting QB, and also has a 2 handicap on the golf course.

Conclusion: If you're a 50 year old man and you throw like a girl, it's already too late.

Le Tour

2009-07-11T02:28:00.007-05:00

About five years ago, I was having dinner with some people at a restaurant in Austin, Texas. It remember it being a fairly fancy place, dimly lit and quiet. About midway through the meal, I took a breather from my steak and took a look around the room. I had to do a double-take, but it turned out Lance Armstrong was sitting about 5 feet from me at the next table - and I hadn't even noticed. We happened to make eye contact for just a moment later in the evening, and I can still recall how steely and cutting his eyes were (no homo).

This encounter happened right about the time he was winning his 6th or 7th tour, and I was fairly star struck - and have followed his career closely ever since.

Fast forward to 2009, and Lance is back on the bike - taking a run at another Tour de France; following a 4 year retirement from cycling. A week into the tour, the 37 year old Texan is in third place - 8 seconds out of the lead, and a serious threat to win another Tour. Not many gave Lance much of a chance to truly be in the mix, but he's showing everyone that he's not just along for the ride.

The 'Versus' channel has live coverage of every stage each morning, starting around 7:30am EST, with replays throughout the day. It's especially nice that the coverage is in HD this year - with some great sweeping helicopter shots of the French and Spanish countryside. I'd encourage you all to take a break from those replays of Law and Order, and find Versus on your dial sometime in the next 2 weeks.

I'll say this for the Tour; it's definitely inspired me to get out on my bike more - I think I've logged about 30 miles this week. In true rube-like fashion - I'm also one of those people sporting a yellow Livestrong bracelet for the next month.

Here's a montage of some of Lance's greatest hits:

You Stay Classy, America

2009-07-04T01:18:00.013-05:00

Today the USA celebrates 233 years of being awesome. American tennis player Andy Roddick got the weekend off to a fine start by stomping Brit Andy Murray in the Semifinals of Wimbledon, shaming Murray in front of his fellow countrymen on his home turf (literally). Then, on the 4th of July, two American Women (Serena vs. Venus) will have their way on the Wimbledon center court - playing for the women's championship. USA! USA!

No word yet if the Brits will be having lemon or milk in their tea (by the way, tea is so damn gay). There is simply no way for a male to drink tea and look manly. But I digress.

Aside from watching Tennis - the rest of the Republic will spend the weekend having a burger, brat, and a steak. We usually wouldn't have all three - but...we'll need our strength if we're going to blow shit up later.

To get everyone in the spirit - we'll continue a July 4th tradition here at east coast mark, and send you off with a photo blog of Awesomeness in America:

No political bashing today - but do take a few minutes this 4th of July to reflect on the great men and great ideas that have made the USA the greatest nation to ever grace the Earth. Take some time to think about if you'd like to have another great 233 years - or if you're ready to follow Obama on the riskiest left turn we've ever seen.

Finally, for you true patriots out there - I highly recommend picking up the book Liberty and Tyranny by Mark Levin. It's been on the best seller list for months, and is a must-read if you'd like a concise and clear viewpoint on the issues facing America today. Also, comes in handy if you'd like to regularly trounce liberals in impromptu debates at cocktail parties.

Jesus F***ing Christ.

2009-07-01T01:04:00.001-05:00

Michael Jackson (1958-2009)

2009-06-26T01:27:00.007-05:00

east coast mark is on a golf vacation for the next few days - but each day I'll crack a cold one and pour one out for my homie Michael Jackson. I've rocked plenty of weddings with my uncanny MJ dance impressions, and nothing pumps up a Halloween party like a little Thriller Dance.

I was on a plane most of the afternoon Thursday, but shortly after we touched down - and as everyone turned on their iPhones and Blackberries - word spread like wildfire through the plane. Pretty weird to see a group of 200 people be shocked like that within about 2 minutes time. Bummer.

If you grew up in the 80's and 90's like I did, then you probably join me in feeling like a little piece of you goes with him when Michael Jackson leaves us.