I find no redeeming qualities in Derek Jeter or the Skankees. Evidence proves conclusive:
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Is Derek Jeter Gay? Hard to say. - Updated
10/26: New evidence has surfaced in our fact-finding mission. This screencap from the '09 postseason:
I find no redeeming qualities in Derek Jeter or the Skankees. Evidence proves conclusive:
I find no redeeming qualities in Derek Jeter or the Skankees. Evidence proves conclusive:
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Twins vs. Yankees - mobile live blogging
11:00 - longest walk of my life. These fags are screaming at me every 10 feet. End of blog.
10:30 - now Rocky II clips. Bunch of queers here in NY.
10:10 - I have never screamed louder and had so many people stare at me
10:05 - praying for an 11th. Jumbotron is playing the speech from Any Given Sunday. Bad news yanks - it's Friday
9:50 - iconic moment of the nite. At the bottom of the 9th, someone (yanks fan) throws a beer over the railing into the lower deck. I get up to pee. As I'm in line, 3 security guards storm into the bathroom and physically pull me out of line. "We have witnesses that say you threw the beer. Let me see a ticket."
In my best Joshn Grisham voice, "you KNOW this is a frame job!". They let me go, begrudginegly
9:45 - if you've been a MN sports fan for 29 yrs - you knew it
9:30 - "Stand UP, Stand UP and shout!!!". Nathan theme music in my head.
9:15 - And the silence you hear is Lambeau....no no...the silence you hear is 50,000 tony soprano meatheads
9:07 - they are playing the rocky theme song at full blast. I am playing the "suck my balls" themesong from my pants. Pretty much evens out. Just heard my first "kirby touches women" taunt". I reply, "hip hip, so Gay!!"
9;00 - PUUUUUNTO!!! They play Enter Sandman as RIvera enters. I think of Rock band. Ear to ear baby.
8:45 - they just played an "anti-steroidd PSA" in yankee stadium. Can't make it up.
8:35 - pretty good stuff - all of Yankee stadium singing God bless america. This game is going to be heartache for one team in pinstripes.
8:25 - tension. Beer 4 and 5.
8:15 - AROD may have hit that with a syringe, I don't have my glasses on
7:59 - ear to ear baby. Picture screaming by yourself in church. Taunts of "suck it puckett" rain down. Posada? "Hip hip, so gay!!!"
7:40 - particularly interesting moment as I went to pee between innings. Have you ever tried to fend off stage fright as 300 men hecle you from behind? In true MN fashion, I delivered a hearty stream for a solid 45 seconds. Go Twins. Most lopsided 0-0 game I've ever seen.
7:20 - palpable nervous energy from the yanks fan. Their lineup is just sick though - you never get a break. I'm ordering my third beer. Emily is only on 2.
7:10 - total vomit.
7:05 - this is awesome. Everytime I stand and clap, they're all sitting. I keep piping up the "man, sure is a lot of nervous energy in this crowd".
6:55 - the strike out felt like a makeup call for Span
6:45 - fans in my section turning against me. Its like standing up to cheer in church.
They're now showing Trump, Big Pun, and Bill O'reilly on the big screen. No Kate Hudson??
6:25 - Emily and I are trading smack talk. I remind her the skankees are steroid using fags.
6:15 - audible MVP chant heard when Mauer was up
6:04 - Teixeira is a total fag. Just saying. Punto is batting .667 in the series. Looking for a big game out of Cuddy.the jumbotron is sick
6:00 - national anthem. 2 hot dogs, 2 beers, and potato chips: $35. The guy in front of me is eating a noodle bowl...WITH CHOPSTICKS!!!
5:30 - even less twins fans than usual, due to the quick turnaround time. I am in the beast
5:15 - outside the stadium. Cat calls of "twinkie!!". Though, they have been showing respect to the Puckett jersey.
4:10 - spotted empire state building. Switching trains to head into the bronx. Still no other twins fans spotted. Train attendant yells out "go twins!" And reveals he is a Red Sox fan.
3:45 - train has stopped at 3 stations, and I haven't seen another Twins Jersey. Also, I'm craving a beer and a dog.
3:30 - we're walking up to the train, the conductor sees my jersey - and he shuts the door. Train leaves the station as the conductor laughs maniaclly and points. We catch the next train. And so it begins.
Test of mobile live blogging
2:17 - Appears to be working, thus east coast mark will attempt to do some live-blogging from Yankee Stadium as the Twins take on the Skankees. Check back Friday night for regular updates.
10:30 - now Rocky II clips. Bunch of queers here in NY.
10:10 - I have never screamed louder and had so many people stare at me
10:05 - praying for an 11th. Jumbotron is playing the speech from Any Given Sunday. Bad news yanks - it's Friday
9:50 - iconic moment of the nite. At the bottom of the 9th, someone (yanks fan) throws a beer over the railing into the lower deck. I get up to pee. As I'm in line, 3 security guards storm into the bathroom and physically pull me out of line. "We have witnesses that say you threw the beer. Let me see a ticket."
In my best Joshn Grisham voice, "you KNOW this is a frame job!". They let me go, begrudginegly
9:45 - if you've been a MN sports fan for 29 yrs - you knew it
9:30 - "Stand UP, Stand UP and shout!!!". Nathan theme music in my head.
9:15 - And the silence you hear is Lambeau....no no...the silence you hear is 50,000 tony soprano meatheads
9:07 - they are playing the rocky theme song at full blast. I am playing the "suck my balls" themesong from my pants. Pretty much evens out. Just heard my first "kirby touches women" taunt". I reply, "hip hip, so Gay!!"
9;00 - PUUUUUNTO!!! They play Enter Sandman as RIvera enters. I think of Rock band. Ear to ear baby.
8:45 - they just played an "anti-steroidd PSA" in yankee stadium. Can't make it up.
8:35 - pretty good stuff - all of Yankee stadium singing God bless america. This game is going to be heartache for one team in pinstripes.
8:25 - tension. Beer 4 and 5.
8:15 - AROD may have hit that with a syringe, I don't have my glasses on
7:59 - ear to ear baby. Picture screaming by yourself in church. Taunts of "suck it puckett" rain down. Posada? "Hip hip, so gay!!!"
7:40 - particularly interesting moment as I went to pee between innings. Have you ever tried to fend off stage fright as 300 men hecle you from behind? In true MN fashion, I delivered a hearty stream for a solid 45 seconds. Go Twins. Most lopsided 0-0 game I've ever seen.
7:20 - palpable nervous energy from the yanks fan. Their lineup is just sick though - you never get a break. I'm ordering my third beer. Emily is only on 2.
7:10 - total vomit.
7:05 - this is awesome. Everytime I stand and clap, they're all sitting. I keep piping up the "man, sure is a lot of nervous energy in this crowd".
6:55 - the strike out felt like a makeup call for Span
6:45 - fans in my section turning against me. Its like standing up to cheer in church.
They're now showing Trump, Big Pun, and Bill O'reilly on the big screen. No Kate Hudson??
6:25 - Emily and I are trading smack talk. I remind her the skankees are steroid using fags.
6:15 - audible MVP chant heard when Mauer was up
6:04 - Teixeira is a total fag. Just saying. Punto is batting .667 in the series. Looking for a big game out of Cuddy.the jumbotron is sick
6:00 - national anthem. 2 hot dogs, 2 beers, and potato chips: $35. The guy in front of me is eating a noodle bowl...WITH CHOPSTICKS!!!
5:30 - even less twins fans than usual, due to the quick turnaround time. I am in the beast
5:15 - outside the stadium. Cat calls of "twinkie!!". Though, they have been showing respect to the Puckett jersey.
4:10 - spotted empire state building. Switching trains to head into the bronx. Still no other twins fans spotted. Train attendant yells out "go twins!" And reveals he is a Red Sox fan.
3:45 - train has stopped at 3 stations, and I haven't seen another Twins Jersey. Also, I'm craving a beer and a dog.
3:30 - we're walking up to the train, the conductor sees my jersey - and he shuts the door. Train leaves the station as the conductor laughs maniaclly and points. We catch the next train. And so it begins.
Test of mobile live blogging
2:17 - Appears to be working, thus east coast mark will attempt to do some live-blogging from Yankee Stadium as the Twins take on the Skankees. Check back Friday night for regular updates.
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