Sunday, December 25, 2011

Happy Holidays

Now stop crying, and go fight your father.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Mind Blown

I had my mind blown today, and now it's your turn.

You know that "Pumped Up Kicks" song?  The one you probably whistle along with while you're at The Gap shopping for Khakis?  Toe-tapping-pop-sugary-goodness, right?  It's got such a catchy little hook, how can we not sing along....

How's about no.

Did you have any clue it's actually about some kid ready to gun down his classmates?

Let's take a look at the actual lyrics:
Yeah he found a six-shooter gun
In his dad's closet, in the box of fun things
I don't even know what
But he's coming for you, yeah he's coming for you
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You better run, better run, faster than my bullet.
So, as long as you've got your Reeboks pumped up and are ready to sprint out of 3rd period French, you should be all good dawg.  Just gotta outrun a few bullets.

We're all just a bunch of iTunes sheep.

Here we spent all summer just mindlessly whistling along, mumbling the rest of the lyrics...thinking we were bathing in a feel-good song about Unicorns and Lollipops.  Nope, Columbine.

Have a nice day with your newly shattered brain.

Tebow Reeeeemix

Monday, December 12, 2011

Joe Mauer Engaged - Mocking Ensues

Baby Jesus (aka Joe Mauer) apparently proposed to his mysterious girlfriend over the weekend - on some island off the coast of Florida, where he lives in the offseason.

The highlight (for me) however were the sarcastic comments that followed - which are particularly poignant for disgruntled Twins fans.
  • Strange, I thought he was married to grounding out to the right side of the infield and the trainer's room.
  • Great news...just hope he didn't hurt himself getting down on bended knee.
  • Joe realized it was his only chance for a ring in Minnesota.
  • Glad it's not to a Kardashian.
  • Guess we'll soon have a new bilateral weakness problem.
  • It's going to be tough coming up with a wedding date...can he stand through a ceremony the day after a night game?

Thursday, December 8, 2011

True Story Bro

Why Men and Women can't be just friends.

If you're bored for conversation this holiday season, bring this topic up at any cocktail party - and you'll enjoy yourself uncovering a few delusional females.