George: Tiger, what the hell.
Derek: Seriously Tiger? Didn't we teach you anything?
George: You know how you see me in the tabloids dating a different cocktail waitress every week? Well let me tell you, it's awesome. And you know what else is awesome? Not marrying the first blonde chick I nailed and then having 2 kids and goofy looking dog.
Derek: Seriously Bro. What's with that dog. You have a Billion dollars, and you buy the ugliest dog ever created? It's gotta be retaahhded.
George: Tiger, take a look at Derek here. Let me show you just some of the hoodrats he's slayed in the last couple years:
Derek: Thanks George. It certainly is awesome being single and running around with different women. The awesome part is, the media celebrate my daliances. In fact, when they don't see me with a new woman every few months, they start to question if something is wrong.
George: Same with me. We're more celebrated and adored because we had the foresight not to settle down; and instead be millionaires who have hos in different area codes. Well Tiger, I hope you've learned your lesson. Cut this Elin chick loose - she's past her prime anyway. Had you come to us sooner, we could have brought in Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn - they might have been able to break up the wedding.
Derek: George, we've gotta be going. We've got pick up Leonardo DiCaprio and head over to the intervention for Tom Brady.