Saturday, June 16, 2007

How to be a man.

I've recently been dumbfounded by a few of my male peers and male friends that have an astounding lack of should one say.... 'male-fortitude'? This isn't a knock on my gender or my friends, just an observation of our place in society. A decade or two of trying to outlaw the 'chauvinist pig' might have slightly robbed us of what truly makes a man. Men are always labeled with sweeping generalizations - but I find the great ones define their own masculinity.

I think there are a certain core number of skills, abilities, attributes, and know-how that every man should have in his tool belt of tricks - and be able to pull out at a moment's notice. When I'm confronted with a man lacking one of these skills, I don't necessarily look down on said male - more I just scratch my head and think, 'really? you don't know how to _____? really?'

So as a PSA to my gender, I'd like to list for you some of these man-items that we all need to aspire to. If you find yourself lacking in too many - it's time to take some corrective action, or else turn over your Y Chromosome at the nearest Buffalo Wild Wings.

1.) Bowl 150 or higher on a consistent basis.
2.) Golf. Not just hack golf. But have a little touch around the greens as well.
3.) Tie a full or half Windsor knot, and be able to put a finished dimple in your tie.
4.) Competently order a bottle of wine on a date.
5.) Work a paintbrush, tape measure, and a power saw. Not all at once.
6.) Enjoy a scotch, whiskey, or bourbon. Rum and Coke does not fly in adult situations.
7.) Jump start a car, and know where to put all the connections.
8.) Know how to shine your shoes. If you don't have at least one pair of shoes that require shining - it's time to upgrade.
9.) Grill a steak medium-rare.
10.) Competently discuss your retirement portfolio and investment strategy.
11.) Tell the people that matter that you love them.
12.) Resist temptation. Weak men give in.
13.) Understand Poker, Blackjack, Roulette - and have at least a brief grasp on Craps.
14.) Stick out your neck for a cause, idea, or person.
15.) Light a cigar.
16.) Respect a woman, and make sure she knows it.

''Men have the highest offices, the leading reputations; they make the discoveries, conceive the theories, win the prizes, start the companies, score the touchdowns."

You stay classy.

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