Sunday, December 23, 2007

But I Wanna be a Dentist!

I really just wanted to make another post to get that picture of Hillary off the front page. And since I'm on vacation for the next 10 days or so, I'm catching up on all the movies I've neglected over the last 6 months.

Since it's the Holiday Season - I'm starting with a few seasonal favorites. I'm a bit burnt out on 'A Christmas Story' - you know, Ralphie....shooting his eye out. I mean, TBS plays it for 18 days straight. It's enough already.

It may not keep with my hyper-masculine persona, but my favorite Holiday movie of late is 'Love Actually'. Clever, funny, and just romantic enough to melt even the most Scrooge-esque of hearts. And how can you not feel like you can conquer the world when that little red-haired kid says, "Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love." Delicious Keira Knightley also makes a cameo.

Next on my list to watch is 'Elf'. I like to put on green tights while watching, just to set the mood. After I watch that movie, I'm always tempted to answer my phone with the greeting, "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?"

And of course my all-time favorite is the claymation, 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'. I was probably 13 years old before I could sleep through the night without the fear of that Abominable Snowman coming into my dreams and eating my soul. And furthermore - have we all concluded that Hermey the Elf was gay? I mean - an Elf who doesn't want to make toys, talks like a total pansy, and wants to leave a gumdrop forest to work in the challenging field of dentistry?

Seriously now. All Hermey had to do was hang out with the other elves, make a few toys, attend elf practice for an hour after work, and then knock off early to go have a beer with Santa. But no. This elf strikes out on his own, hooks up with that crackhead Yukon Cornelius, and finds himself on the freak-zone 'Island of Misfit Toys' (how about that lot of nut jobs!) Talk about your bad career moves.

This is how I picture a modern day version of this conversation would transpire:

Have a holly-jolly Christmas, Kids. And remember, if you've been naughty this year - not only will you get coal in your stocking, but the Abominable Snowman is going to eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

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