Things That Are Supposed to Be Sexy But Aren't

Girls who are really into sports
Sex on the beach (both the drink and the activity)
Saxophones
Female cops
Tickling
A woman holding a whip
Two girls and a cup
Lap dances
Women riding horseback naked
Massage therapists
Real Sex on HBO
Cream pies
The poetry of Edna St. Vincent Millay
Hula dancers
Nipple rings
Matt Damon: Sexiest man alive? Please!

The Giants of New York

This has to be fate:



Eddie Murphy the Prophet. When you think of garbage; think of Akeem.

I Have A Dream....(of sleeping in and not having to go to work)

I always liked Chris Rock's interpretation of MLK day:

'It's not like you have to do something black on MLK day. Not like you have to listen to rap music or pay your child support. All you have to do is not go to work. You gotta be pretty racist to not want a day off from work.'

I, on the other hand, am working today....albeit from my home office. The Germans I work for must not be sympathetic to our civil rights struggle.

Do you think Chipotle is open on MLK day?

Lasagna Cat

Just remember, in a few weeks when everyone is talking about the newest Internet Phenomenon 'Lasagna Cat' - you saw it here first. It's this bizarre series of live re-enactments of Garfield comic strips, and after each one, there's an equally strange musical tribute.

Also, if you like to do drugs and read the comics - this is probably right up your ally. Here's a few to get you started, and as long as this isn't your first time on the Interwebs - you'll know how to find more.





I know, I was thinking the same thing.

Surf and Turf

east coast mark just checked in here at the TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. I have meetings until Sunday, followed by a few vacation days to play some golf and tennis. 76 degrees and sunny when I got to the resort. The pool is luke, and the mini bar is cold.

Question: Why can't the flight attendant just give me the whole can of pop? As much as I appreciate that little dixie cup of pepsi, I can't help but wonder if a second swallow would be as good as the first. Perhaps we'll never know.

I brought 6 ties on this trip. Apparently I've got a nickname brewing in the company as, "The Suit Guy". It's a bit of a misnomer - as I don't really wear a suit everyday, but I do wear a shirt and tie everyday. They know me by first name at Brooks Brothers....I may have a problem....but that's neither here nor there. Most of my colleagues dress business casual or less. However, I feel it's better to be known as 'the suit guy' than 'the slob guy' or 'the fat guy' or 'the pervert guy'.

A quote I once read applies: "You have business to do, so dress like you mean business."

I'm off to find the cabana boy to bring me a banana daiquiri.

Barack Hussein Obama

I was doing a little background reading on Obama tonight, after hearing his name about 90 times today on various news outlets. Learned a few interesting things that made me wonder if this guy could ever possibly be elected President:

• His middle name is Hussein.


• He was educated briefly in Muslim schools while growing up.
  
• He wrote that he used alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine during his teenage years to "push questions of who I was out of my mind".

Obviously none of these things make him specifically less capable of being our President - but if he wins the Democratic nomination, he's going to get Swiftboated like nothing we've ever seen. I think this guy has some dirt under his fingernails that is going to come out once everyone gets over the novelty of hearing an eloquent black man deliver speeches about 'change'. I can't help but agree with Hillary when she rails against Obama for not having much experience. However, if we do elect him President, it will definitely be a statement about the maturation of people of this country - less so than I think it will be a victory for 'race relations'.

Elsewhere - even Democrats are now starting to repel from HRC in the way we Republicans have for more than a decade. She's like an angry, unpleasant soccer mom who always looks like she's right on the verge of calling Obama the 'N-word'.

I'll say it again - I think the only way for the Democrats to take the White House is to nominate John Edwards. I respect the guy for not using his dying wife as a political tactic. It would be easy to garner support by playing the sympathy card, and gaining voters by pulling on the heart strings for her battle with terminal cancer.

Romney was really polished in the recent debates, and his preparation and knowledge of the issues was impressive against a stuttering McCain and an evasive Huckabee. Romney has some very strong ideas and opinions on stopping Illegal Immigration - and I think his hard stance is going to win a lot of supporters. McCain and Giulliani are basically preaching amnesty - 'let them all stay, as long as they're already here illegally anyway'.

Within 6 weeks we'll have our two candidates - thanks in part to the shortened and compacted primary season this election cycle. Chances are Bloomberg could enter the race as an Independent, but if it's Romney vs. Obama - Bloomberg won't have a prayer. If it's Hillary vs. Huckabee....Bloomberg could make some waves.

Your Weekend Moment of Zen

I have a friend from Iran who is obsessed with Bollywood movies. I don't know if this is Bollywood or not, but it's exactly what goes on in my head when I watch this stuff.

Have a good weekend everybody.

A Resolution You Can Bank On

I tend not to make New Year's Resolutions per say - mostly because I don't operate my life on a calendar year basis. If something needs a tweak - I resolve to fix it that minute, not when the 1st of the year rolls around. Also, 'meet more gorgeous women' is more of a hobby than a resolution.

However, if you're looking for a resolution that can truly change your life - here is my suggestion: Resolve to Retire Rich.

When I co-founded Quantum 3 Investments several years ago, the first thing I said to my fellow investors was, "I don't want to retire filthy rich by myself. I want all my friends to retire filthy rich too - so we can all go have fun and be rich together." And I really mean it.

It'll be no fun for me to zip off on my private jet to Switzerland for some skiing if none of you can come with me - because you have meetings all week with your Marketing Department to discuss the new ad campaign. Or whatever.

So, resolve to retire rich. And it's not as cavalier as it might sound; you just need to dedicate yourself to investing in your retirement funds, and you'll retire a multi-millionaire. I guarantee it. It's the greatest gift you'll ever give yourself, and you'll never regret it. And if you're under 30 - you've got the biggest advantage of them all on your side: time. The greatest factor in retirement accrual is the amount of time you let your money sit and mature.

"But east coast mark; I have credit card bills, a car payment, and we're trying to buy a house...."

Sure, we all have those things. But if you can start small and begin making an investment in your retirement future, this routine of investing will become an addiction, and over time you'll love putting aside more and more money for yourself. A guy wrote a whole book about how to be a millionaire by cutting out one $5 Starbucks drink a week.

How to make it happen:

Open a 401k:

If your company offers a 401k and you haven't enrolled, contact your HR department TOMORROW and sign up. A 401k takes pre-taxed dollars out of your paycheck and dumps it into a personal retirement account for you. Most companies match part of the money you put in. Absolutely take advantage of this - they're giving you free money. Take it.

Open a Roth IRA:
If your company doesn't have a 401k plan, go to your local bank and open a Roth IRA. If you already have a 401k, open a Roth IRA as well. The advantage of a Roth IRA is that the money is not taxed when you take it out at retirement. Say you retire with $2,000,000 in your Roth IRA - you can take out every penny and not pay a cent in taxes. Link the Roth IRA to your checking account and have as little as $50 bucks taken out and invested each month. It's like 3 trips to Starbucks and a case of beer.

Make it automatic:

Make your contributions to your 401k, IRA, or Savings Account automatic. Set it up so the money goes to your investment accounts BEFORE it ever hits your normal checking account. People will naturally spend all the money in their checking account - or as much as they can and still pay the rent. But if the money is never there - it'll be safely earning for you elsewhere. If you have to sit down and write out a check monthly, you'll find a million reasons of why you can't afford to invest that month. Make it automatic.

Increase Yearly:

Each year on January 1st, increase your 401k contribution by 1%. You'll never notice an additional 1% being gone....but after a few years, you've added considerable funds to your retirement.

Dream:

Every time you turn on tv and see one of those shows about 'Top 10 Luxury Vacation Spots' - picture yourself in those images. Salivate over those nice cars passing you on the road. Lust after that $2,000 Brooks Brothers suit. Imagine leaving a huge endowment to your church or favorite charity. If you get serious about investing, you can have it all.

Reality Check:

If you're 25 years old, make $50,000 a year, have nothing saved for retirement....but start today with adding 10% to a 401k.....you'll retire at age 65 with $3,949,913.

I'll get the jet gassed up. Who's coming with me?